from here to maternity...

Not surprised...at all...

2011-08-25T12:16:00.002-06:00

Remember this post? The one about the Locum Physician who lost it on me and in the end was going to fax a referral to the obstetrician who delivered Mikail so we could possibly check out whether there was too much damage done to my uterus to have another baby? Well...

Yesterday I happened to be at the clinic and mentioned to Dorothy (my favourite lady there) that it's been over two months since that appointment and I have not heard from Dr. Barreth, the obstetrician. Would they be able to check into it? Dorothy's face fell when she asked whether that appointment had been with Dr. Malik and I said, yes. She opened up my file and a slew of swears came out of her mouth in a whisper. I knew it. He never sent out the referral. He said he would. He didn't. I wasn't surprised. Dorothy didn't seem to be either.

Because we don't know if and when Dr. Langer will be back Dorothy highly recommended that we find a doctor in Grande Prairie and suggested that we try out an amazing Locum Physician who had been in for Dr. Langer in July. This doctor is starting out his practice in town and may just take us on and then we could see him about the referral. So, that is what we are going to do. We will sorely miss Dr. Langer, but need better care than this sporadic whack-a-do care we've gotten these past 8 months that he has been away.

Now we have a plan.

It's good to have a plan.

Victim vs. Victor

2011-06-22T10:45:00.006-06:00

At the beginning of May I went to the doctor because I was a little worried about this whole 'baby making thing'. I am aware that 80% of couples trying to conceive do so within a year and we've only been trying for six months. Because of the circumstances around Mikail's birth I was told that there was quite a bit of damage done to my uterus during the c-section where they had to pull Mikail out of the birth canal. It would be a wait and see game as to how I would heal etc.

I was also having a hard time losing the last 20 lbs of pregnancy weight and it was pretty much 12 months since I had given birth, so the doctor who was in for Dr. Langer (he is on medical leave) had a whole bunch of blood and urine tests run on me to make sure I don't have a post-pregnancy thyroid problem, which would answer the weight issue and then that would lead to a trying to conceive issue.

So, this past Friday I went in for a review of the test results. I had met this doctor before. He was the one who called for the blood and urine tests. I thought it would be pretty routine. I wasn't worried. When the doctor came into the room he asked what he could do for me. I explained about the test results and also wondered whether I might have my uterus checked just to be sure. In a very curt tone he said that he can't do that testing for me. Okay. Well, how do I go about it then? I would need a referral to an obstetrician/gynecologist. Who did the delivery? I explained and he said he would write up a referral. I asked whether it might be a better idea for me to have a referral to a different doctor, considering all that happened with the birth. I explained that I am not out to blame this doctor, I am just surprised at the disconnect there seems to be when a baby is delivered. He had no idea of the trauma caused to Mikail. Mostly I have not fully dealt with this part of the journey and am not sure that continuing on with this doctor would be in the best interest of my emotional well-being. I was very nice about it all, repeating over and over that I am not blaming this doctor. The situation is what it is.

Well, the doctor completely lost it on me. Went on a tirade. Up until this point I had been able to keep my emotions under control. I got a bit teary, but nothing huge. This is, however, when I started to cry. Bawl. Ugly cry and pretty much sob. He blew up at me saying that the obstetrician did everything correctly procedurally. (I'm not arguing that) Is our son healthy? (Yes. We deal with therapies and appointments a lot, but his progress is blowing the medical community away. We are blessed). Well, then I need to check your perspective on life. (WHAT? This was when I started to ugly cry and think to myself: I have worked sohard at my perspective on life this past year and I feel it has been pretty damn positive considering all that has happened). He continued on: There are many women in their early 40s who have tried to get pregnant for 20 years and would be happy and lucky to hold your little boy in their arms and call him their own. (Huhh? More thoughts in my head: When did I say I didn't want to hold my precious baby or am not thankful or blessed every moment of my life to have this miracle in my life?). He kept going and by this time I am sobbing and feeling like a complete, ungrateful, failure of a person and mother. Finally he stopped and asked, So, what can I do for you?

WELL...I am not about to leave this office feeling like an ungrateful, failure of a person and mother. Nor am I going to allow this insensitive substitute-doctor talk to me in this way. So, I let him know that, first of all, I did not come to this appointment to be talked down to or judged. He does not know the whole story of the past year and has no clue as to my perspective on life. Second of all, I didn't ask for fertility testing. I know that it is too early in the game to go that route and I honestly don't think it is necessary at this point. I came for the test results and am grateful they are all normal. I came because I had been told that there could be extensive damage done to my uterus and that it might have to be checked out. Clearly the obstetrician who did my c-section knows my history the best so I will deal with some of this stuff on my own and go and see him, which might be a good thing anyhow. Who knows.

After I was done my little speech, he completely back-tracked and apologized (twice) for his tirade. I asked that the referral be done and made my way to the bathroom so I could sob in privacy before driving home.

I had refused to leave that exam room feeling like a victim. Although deeply hurt and looking a mess, I left feeling somewhat victorious.

And...I'm back...

2011-05-31T14:01:00.004-06:00

I haven't posted on here for about a year, but we have been back in the {from here} part of {from here to maternity} for five months now.

I don't know how people do it for years and years. This trying to conceive thing. This fertility thing. Five months is long enough for me.

After our first miscarriage we waited nine months until we started trying to conceive. Everything fell into place the second month of trying. It was easy. And the Shettles Method even worked for us. This time around it's been much more difficult. We tried doing the basal body temperature thing again, but with having to get up with M at night, the temperatures were not reliable at all. So, we tried the Ovulation Predictor Kit for one month. Worked great for predicting, but nothing 'stuck' and we can't afford an OPK every month. This last month we just baby danced every other day and guess what?

I got a positive home pregnancy test!!

Hurray, for 2 days!! I say, for 2 days because then I started spotting and am definitely in the middle of an early miscarriage right now. Same headaches, nausea, cramping and loss of blood/clots as the first miscarriage I had.

UGH.

In the beginning of this month I went to the doctor. I say 'THE' doctor because, unfortunately my ueber amazing and fantastic doctor is on extended medical leave, so we get 'whoever is on' at the time. So, I went to the doctor and told the story of not having trouble conceiving Mikail. I told him about the difficult birth and how the obstetrician said that a lot of damage had been done to my uterus and birth canal when they had to pull Mikail out of the birth canal during the emergency c-section. I told him how I can't seem to lose weight after Mikail's birth and wonder whether my thyroid is whacked out (although now after being on Weight Watchers for two months, I have lost 10 lbs--hurray). I told him how my cycle has been back since Mikail was 3 months old and how we have been trying for baby #2 for five months with no luck. The doctor was very attentive and said we would start with running blood and urine tests to check everything out. So that is what we did.

I called the doctor's office today and asked whether any results are back. They checked and said that everything that is back is normal, but they aren't sure what else may have been sent to the lab in Edmonton. So, I told her that I think I am in the middle of a miscarriage but don't want to see the doctor just yet because all they will do is send me for more blood tests and a possible sonogram or ultrasound and it's pointless. It just plays with my heart and soul and emotions even more. Last time, that was the hardest part. I just want nature to run its course and if in a week I am still not back to normal then I'll see the doctor.

So, right now I have an appointment to see the doctor in the middle of June and we'll see what the next steps are. I have a feeling he will send me for an ultrasound to see whether there was too much damage done to my uterus for a little bean to be able to stick.

I hate that the nightmare of that c-section isn't over. I worked hard these past 12 months to wrap my mind around everything that happened, but now it seems there might be more for me to wrap my mind around.

I just want the chance for Mikail to have a little brother or sister. After that I am fine if the factory has to be shut down permanently.

So, it seems that I am back to {from here to maternity}.

New Blog

2010-06-26T20:12:00.002-06:00

Originally I had decided to make my next blog private, but I like things simple and signing in every time is far from simple with the way I have chosen to have my blogger account, so I've thrown that idea out after a week or so of frustration with it all. Here is the link to my new blog: Click HERE.

What Now?

2010-06-17T07:56:00.000-06:00

So, what have the past number of weeks been like since we continued this journey with Mikail at home?

Medication:
Because Mikail had seizures right after birth, he is on an anti seizure medication (phenobarbital) that is administered daily. At first it was administered at 10 p.m. but we felt that the medication bothered his stomach so he was fussy at night time, not allowing us to sleep much. This in turn was affecting my own healing process because I was not getting the rest I needed. So, under doctor supervision we changed the administration of his meds to 9 a.m. and find that dealing with his fussy time during the day is so much easier and I am feeling a whole lot better too. It means I have to deal with his fussiness alone because Jason is at work, but in reality it is not that difficult now that it is during the day. Changing the administration time also means that during the week I am the only one there to administer the meds and as he gets older, he gets stronger and smarter. So, he has been fighting back and has learned to clamp his mouth shut when the syringe comes his way. Smart little guy.

Being on this medication also means that he has to be weighed weekly and his blood levels checked bi-weekly. As he gains weight he has to be given more medication and then his blood also has to be checked for levels since the meds can be toxic if too much is given. So, every other week we drive out to our hospital and have his blood taken and weight checked. Then the following week we take him to the Health Centre here in town to be weighed and I call in his weight and meds are changed if needed.

By 3-6 months of age we are hoping he is able to come off the medication. If he has no seizures without the medication we know that his brain has healed. There is a possibility that the seizures will continue and this would then most likely mean a diagnosis of epilepsy. We will cross that bridge if and when we come to it.

Appointments:
Since our return from the Stollery Children's Hospital we have discovered that we are very well taken care of and being followed very carefully. We will have a follow up appointment with our neurologist at the Stollery in August. We will also have an appointment at the Rehab Clinic at the 6-8 month stage of things. Currently we see our family doctor and the pediatrician who have referred us to Occupational Therapy (O.T.) and Physiotherapy (P.T). Today was our first O.T. and P.T. appointment and it went really well. He was carefully checked over and observed and I was given physio exercises to do with him on a daily basis to strengthen his right side. Most of them we were already doing just in the way we play with him, so that was kind of neat to find out. We will go back in a month to get the next set of developmental exercises. I was so impressed with the compassion and care of the Physiotherapist and the Occupational Therapist. This will all be a good thing. Other than this we are on a few waiting lists for a few more programs that will help support us as we give Mikail the absolute best we possibly can to give him as 'normal' a future as possible.

My Healing Heart:
This is an ongoing thing. I think I am doing great and then someone with great compassion will ask 'How are YOU doing in this all? Do you have a support system in place?' and I burst into tears. And this too is a good thing. It is part of the journey. So, when the question is asked I explain that I am doing good and this is true. Yes, I have my moments and really have to work on my thought patterns so I don't go down the road of 'self blame' or dwelling on the 'why?' of it all. Considering everything I am doing really well and loving every moment of being a Mama to this little miracle...yes even those night time feedings and awake times when seemingly everyone else in the world is enjoying sleep. I choose to enjoy those moments, because, to put it simply, I am blessed to have them. I am blessed to have this little angel in my arms. I cannot imagine the alternative of having an empty baby room and rocking in the rocking chair with empty arms. My heart aches for the Mamas who have to go through that. So, when I wake up to Mikail's cries and wish I could go back to sleep and have a solid night's sleep, I quickly remember how blessed we are to be able to hear his cries at night and be able to get up with him and feed and change him in the wee hours of the night.

What Now?
The title of this blog is {from here to maternity} and it seems this is the place where {here} and {maternity} meet and turn into {life after maternity}, so this just may be my last post...until perhaps we find the road to maternity again. Until then...it's been an amazing ride and I look forward to continuing this journey at a new blog. I have chosen to make that blog password accessible only for now, so if you follow this blog and would like to follow the next one, please let me know and I will send you and invite.

The Journey Continues: Stollery Children's Hospital NICU

2010-06-10T09:48:00.001-06:00

May 13, 2010
The drive to Edmonton was filled with much quiet time, some tears, and lots of talking and praying. You do not realize how bumpy even a highway is until you are healing from surgery. It took us a bit longer to get there than usual--due to the slowing down for all the bumps we had not noticed as much on prior trips to the big city.

When we got to the University of Alberta, we had to find parking and realized that the walk from the parkade to the Stollery was quite the trek for the Mama who had recently given birth. We had imagined that we would have to get a hotel near the hospital and I was already dreading the many walks we would have to make from the parkade to the NICU.

When we finally arrived at the NICU, after asking for directions many times, we found our precious baby contently at his station:

He had been really hungry upon arrival and had consumed all of the milk I had expressed plus some formula. Poor little guy hadn't been allowed to eat before the flight or during the flight since they were afraid the turbulence would cause him to throw up. He had, however, made the flight just fine. Brave little guy. When they arrived, he was immediately put under the Billy Lamp (photo therapy for jaundice) and we cherished the moments where we could hold and cuddle him when he wasn't under the lamp. Here Daddy is talking to our little man, telling him how special and brave and amazing he is, after we arrived:

That worry I had about having to find a hotel to stay at was immediately taken care of. Mikail's nurse heard our story and realized that I had just had a cesarean birth and was still in quite a bit of pain, so she advocated for us to get a 'parent room' right on the ward. She suggested we not talk about it too much because normally parents are only allowed to stay in a parent room for one night, but with the weekend coming, we just had to make sure the social worker didn't hear about it the next day and we should be able to make it through the weekend by staying right there with Mikail. The room we got only had a single bed and a rocking chair, but we had brought some blankets, asked for a few more and made a make-shift bed on the floor for Jason. Not the best accommodations, but we were able to stay at the hospital with Mikail--a blessing. The next day we were moved into a bigger room where we at least each got a mattress.

May 14, 2010
Being able to stay right at the hospital meant that I could nurse Mikail. This was a blessing, yet a challenge, because at the QEII in Grande Prairie we were put on a feeding schedule for Mikail that worked really well. Here, anytime he made a peep they called me to feed him--feeding on demand. It was stressful and did not work. Just because he was making a peep didn't mean he was hungry and then the challenge of getting a good latch was just made even more difficult, leaving me in a lot of pain and Mikail frustrated. Then the nurses kept saying that if he didn't latch within five minutes we should give him formula. My Mama heart did not believe this was the right thing to do, so many tears followed. Finally after many frustrating, unsuccessful feeds we were able to tell the nurse that yes, most babies do well with "feed on demand" but ours was put on a schedule and this had worked in Grande Prairie. Could we not just try it for a bit and see what happened? She reluctantly agreed and guess what? IT WORKED. So we were back on feeding every 3 hours and I also pumped to try to get my milk to come in more. This also allowed Jason to take a night time feeding, which was important to him--the bonding it brought. This also allowed me to get some much needed sleep.

In the morning, we met with the pediatrician and were told that the CT scan from Grande Prairie also showed a hairline fracture on Mikail's skull. WHAT? Why were we not told this? And why did a nurse mention this to us the day before (leaving us shocked) before the doctor did? More and more we were believing and finding out that Mikail's seizures were not caused in-utero. More and more we were believing that something happened during the long labour and birth to cause something that made him have seizures. The pediatrician said that the fracture was most likely caused by Mikail's head being forced up against my pelvis during the pushing stage--since he was twisted and "sunny side up" it would make sense that he was wedged up against my pelvis. It could also be that the force of the vacuum suction caused Mikail's head to be forced up against my pelvis, causing the fracture. Two options or a combination of the two...but definitely nothing to do with anything during the pregnancy. Of course this would have to be confirmed by Grande Prairie who was being instructed to look at my placenta (we later found out from our family doctor that my placenta was normal and nothing in-utero caused these complications).

As we met with the pediatrician he informed us that he did not believe that the MRI would happen at all. WHAT? Wasn't this why we were being sent to Edmonton in the first place? Jason was okay with this...we didn't 'need' to know details--we would deal with what came when it came. I, on the other hand remained quiet, pleading in my heart and soul with God to somehow allow this MRI to take place. I needed answers. I needed to know what we were going to be dealing with in the future. I needed to know what I as his Mama could do to help him reach his potential. Just as I was silently pleading with God, a neurologist came by and said that we were up next for an MRI--as in 'get this baby downstairs NOW'. Talk about a quick answer to a Mama's pleading heart. The reason we were sent to Edmonton for the MRI is that in Grande Prairie they don't sedate for MRIs and an infant has to be sedated. The nurse quickly fed Mikail some formula while Jason and I filled out forms and we later found out that they didn't even need to sedate Mikail for the MRI...he slept through the whole thing. Another God moment...how our little man slept through an MRI that sounds like jack hammers next to your ears, is incomprehensible--definitely a God thing (and yes his hearing is fine...he passed the hearing screening before we left Grande Prairie).

While Mikail was having the MRI done, I had to go and "pump" because I had just missed Mikail's feeding since they had to hurry him to the MRI. There was a "pumping room" right on the ward. How strange it is to sit in a room with two other women and have each a contraption attached to your boobs that is expressing milk. Do you bring something to cover yourself? Do you talk? Do you keep your eyes averted? Do you engage in conversation? Do you ask about their child in the NICU? I never did find out what the "pumping room etiquette" was. When I was finished in the "pumping room" I returned to our room to find worship music quietly playing and Jason down on his knees, praying for our precious little boy and meditating on this scripture: But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall. Malachi 4:2. Seeing my big, strong, husband down on his knees pleading with God to heal our son also brought me to my knees and right there on the floor of our little room we wept, pleading with God to heal our son, through tears trying to sing the lyrics of the songs playing on the iPod.

Somewhere in this time I needed to find something to eat. Jason was fasting (I obviously couldn't join him because I needed to keep my milk supply up) and said he needed to stay and keep praying, so I went alone. When I returned I found him standing in our room with his face and hands toward heaven, tears streaming down his face, singing praises to our God. I needed the strength he was showing and wrapped my arms around him hoping I would feel some of his strength. We remained there, slow dancing and singing along to the music on the iPod until the phone rang and we found out that Mikail was back. We quickly offered one last prayer to our Heavenly Father and went to be with our son.

The neurologist and his team looked at the MRI immediately and in no time we were meeting with the neurologist. What we learned from him and what we got as Mikail's prognosis in Grande Prairie were two completely different stories. The neurologist informed us that the MRI showed that Mikail had a stroke, most likely during labour and delivery, but an echo would have to be done on his heart to make sure the clot didn't come from a defect in his heart. This stroke then caused the seizures. The stroke affected three parts of Mikail's brain:
1. One very small part of the front right side of the brain which will never affect him.
2. One larger part of the front left of the brain which might affect his peripheral vision and it might not.
3. The largest affected area was the back left of the brain, which will most likely affect his right hand motor skills.

The first part we don't have to worry about. The second part which might affect his vision, is quite doable. He will have his vision checked in a few months and glasses are always an option. When talking about the third affected area, the neurologist said that if you're going to have a stroke, the best time to have it is as a newborn, because the brain can heal itself or create new pathways to compensate for damage done. So, it might do that, or he will just automatically be a 'lefty' with a dominant right hand. None the less, we will start physio on his right hand in the next couple of months to try to strengthen his motor skills in that area.

Can you imagine our gratefulness when we heard this news? It was so far from what we had heard in Grande Prairie. When the neurologist said that he thought that by the time Mikail is 2 years old no one will know that he ever had a stroke, I couldn't stop the tears that were brimming the whole time. The next step was to have an echo done on his heart and an ultrasound done of his brain to try to see what the cause of the stroke was. We would have to wait on these tests until Monday though.

May 15 & 16, 2010
We returned to our room and spent some time in prayer of thanksgiving to God for this amazing news. While we were in our room, some special paper work was completed and Mikail was allowed to 'room in' with us. Which means that he would get a normal bassinet and he would stay with us in our room for the weekend. Before most feedings we had to bring him to his station in the NICU and have his vitals checked. We were even able to take him off the ward and walk the hospital halls with him or take him to lunch or dinner with us. If we preferred we could also leave him at his station and take a break and his nurse would watch him. So our Saturday and Sunday were filled with mini outings walking the hospital floors with Mikail and just hanging out waiting for Monday. Here are Mikail and I hanging out in our 'parent room':

May 17, 2010
This was a looooong day of waiting and not knowing whether Mikail would get the tests done that he needed to have done. Jason and I were both completely ready to go home and had been told that we would most likely be discharged by late afternoon. The tests were completed by this time, but the neurology team was not going to come up to the NICU this day after all. Let's just say we were beyond disappointed. We had to stay another night to wait for a consult with the neurologists.

May 18, 2010
The neurologists finally made their way up to the NICU in the morning and we were told that Mikail's echo came back as normal. His heart is in perfect condition. The ultrasound of his brain came back showing no additional abnormalities in his arteries. No one ever came out and said it, but this left the option that the cause of the stroke was due to labour and delivery stress. As soon as we had the consult, the discharge procedure was started and by noon we were on our way out of Edmonton.

Our drive went in 90 minute stints because Mikail was really small for the car seat and was supposed to get breaks from it every 90 minutes, so the drive home took a little longer than usual, but by 9 p.m. we were home and after 9 days of being checked into 3 different hospitals, having a plane ride to Edmonton, having a long truck drive home, and a lot of medical drama inbetween, our precious little one was able to come home and sleep in his own crib for the very first time.

There are still a lot of unanswered questions and a long road ahead with physiotherapy, occupational therapy, and follow-up visits to the Stollery Children's Hospital, the rehab centre, our local pediatrician, and our family doctor. More on all of this in the next post.

Through all of this we are still so incredibly blessed.

The Journey Continues: Grande Prairie NICU

2010-06-08T09:22:00.009-06:00

Many people are blessed with a "Happily Ever After" following their "Labour of Love", many continue on a journey that is so different than they had ever imagined. Ours is one of those "continued journeys":

May 10. 2010
Even after 38 hours of labour, I could not sleep after I got out of "recovery". I needed to make sure our baby was okay and then there was the fact that he needed to be fed every hour or two. We were so thankful to have a few visitors come and meet our little one--especially since we both do not have family around.

Late at night, right before a feeding I noticed that Mikail's face had a rhythmic twitch to it. It reminded me of all those courses we as teachers have to take each year in regards to seizures in children. I showed the nurses, yet they were not concerned. They said if it happened again, we should call them. The next time it happened, I noticed that his right leg and right arm were doing the same rhythmic motion while his eyes rolled to the right. We called the nurses, but he had stopped before they arrived.

At this point I was exhausted. I had not really slept since 4:30 a.m. on May 8th and it was the early mornings of May 11th. When the nurses found this out, they said they would take Mikail to the nurses station and give us a bit of time to sleep. They would bring him back for his feeding. We were blessed to have a private room that even had a bed for Jason to sleep in. We took advantage of this time to get some much needed sleep, even if it was only for an hour or two.

May 11, 2010
While at the nurses station, Mikail had the same seizure type symptoms I had been telling them about and they rushed him upstairs to the NICU where he was treated for a seizure. The pediatrician was called and an EEG was performed as soon as possible in the morning. The EEG showed unusual brain activity, which confirmed the seizures that I had earlier been trying to convince the nurses of. He was put on phenobarbital (an anti-seizure medication) and the seizures stopped. At this time a CT scan was called for, but the machine was down so we had to wait until the next day. They were able to do an ultrasound of the brain at this time. The NICU nurses put us on a strict schedule with Mikail in regards to changing and feeding him, which worked wonderfully. We came up to feed and change him every three hours and inbetween either stayed with him to hold and cuddle him or went back downstairs to our room for some much needed rest.

May 12, 2010
Mid-morning we found out that the CT scanner was up and working again and that we needed to get downstairs immediately. So, off with our wonderful NICU nurse, we went. Nurse L and Jason rushed ahead of me while I slowly shuffled behind them, trying to keep up without being in too much pain (why we did not grab a wheelchair I do not know). Later in the day Nurse L let us know that the pediatrician wanted to see us and she would stay with us. As soon as I heard she was to stay with us, I knew it was bad news about the CT scan. We entered a small little conference room and the pediatrician told us immediately that he had bad news for us. Our hearts fell. We were told that Mikail has left brain abnormalities and that we were to expect a difficult road ahead of us raising this little boy. We were told that he would most likely never walk or talk and that he would need to be fed with a feeding tube, might not be able to see or hear etc. etc. etc. When I asked what could have caused this the pediatrician felt that it was due to lack of oxygen during the pregnancy sometime--perhaps the umbilical cord was kinked during a time of important development of the brain. We were devestated. I finally broke down and wept while Jason remained strong and just held me. Nurse L was in tears with me as well. She had been taking care of our little boy during the day shift up until this time.

We returned to Mikail's station in the NICU, closed the curtains around us, lifted him out of his bassinet, wires and all, and just held him and rocked him and wept. Finally we were able to speak again and we lifted up prayers of thanksgiving for our little miracle, we pleaded with God to heal our precious little boys brain, and we started to speak words of healing over him. We told God that we did not understand why he acted like a normal baby. Why he was able to breast feed but were told that he would need feeding tubes for the rest of his life. Why he was able to move his arms and legs like a normal baby and look at us or jump at sudden noises. All these things did not add up with what the pediatrician told us. So, we began to believe that although we are blessed to have earthly physicians, we have a Greater Physician and we would trust and believe in Him.

When we got back to our room we both broke down, having Mikails life flash before our eyes. Jason realized that he may never throw a football to his son and it was upon this realization that the devastation of what we had just learned began to sink in. And now to make phone calls home to family and friends to explain what had happened, was so difficult. Thankfully we were able to get a hold of our pastor and he and his wife were able to come and hear our story and pray with us that very evening. What a blessing.

May 13, 2010
In the morning the pediatrician wanted to meet with us again. He had arranged this the day before because he knew that once the initial shock had worn off we would have a zillion questions, and we did. I had my little notebook of questions ready and on the top of the list was "What type of condition will he have. What are some possible names?" I wanted to be able to call my Mom and have her research what we were possible going to deal with. Our internet connection in the hospital was terrible and I did not have energy or the time to research things at the moment. All the conditions the doctor gave us as possibilities did not seem to fit Mikail, so when we asked to have a second opinion, we found out that this was already in the works. The pediatrician said he had contacted a neurologist at the Stollery Children's Hospital in Edmonton and they were willing to do an MRI on Mikail to assess his condition. He was just waiting to hear about transferring him. While we were discussing this with the doctor, the transfer was confirmed and we found out that within an hour he would be airlifted to Edmonton and I could possibly go along. This would be decided once the team arrived at the hospital. They were still in-flight to Grande Prairie. Wow! Things were starting to move quickly.

While all of this was happening, I had also been discharged from the hospital, but in the drama of it all was unable to ask the obstetrician the questions I had about my own healing process. All we had been told was that we would get a hostel room where I could stay so that I did not have to be driven to and from the hospital to feed Mikail. Jason would have to stay home. All this, however changed when we found out we were heading to Edmonton. We quickly packed up our belongings and packed them in the truck. Jason would follow us to Edmonton and meet us a few hours after our arrival there. While he was packing up the truck, I was madly pumping breast milk for Mikail to take along for after the flight so he would not have to have formula given to him. Not that it really mattered if he was given formula, we just thought it was better if he had breast milk if at all possible.

At about 1 p.m. the transfer team arrived and came into the NICU with the HUGE contraption, otherwise known as "Stork 3", that would be where Mikail would be kept in while flying to Edmonton. The team told us that the flight had been extremely turbulent and that the plane is quite small, so they would recommend that for my own comfort and healing (from the cesarean birth), that I go along with Jason in the truck. After talking to the team and feeling somewhat comfortable with the fact that they would take care of our baby, we agreed. After a tearful goodbye and a Mama's pleading to guard and protect her son, we were off to Edmonton.

Thoughts on my Labour of Love

2010-06-05T09:52:00.000-06:00

When I wrote the 'Labour of Love' post, the purpose was to get the facts of Mikail's birth down as well as I could remember them, yet there are so many holes missing. The emotional holes, the questions, the self-doubt, the whys, and the triumphs.

When I think about everything I dreamed of in the aspect of birthing our baby, very little of what I dreamed of came true and in a way it feels like I failed. I know that deep down inside, I didn't fail, but that evil little voice that sometimes rears it's ugly head, sneers at me. I know that it is filled with lies, but none-the-less, it is there from time to time.

Everything about what happened when it came to labour was great up until the early mornings of May 9th when I had a feeling things were not progressing like they should. My body wouldn't allow me to labour in the positions I thought I would find comfortable. I longed to sit in a tub of water or stand in a shower or rock on all fours, but every time I got up from a lying position I would violently throw up. It was the first hint of what I felt at the moment as my body failing me, but I kept on telling myself that 'my body was made to do this' and Jason kept whispering those words in my ear as well.

I think that one thing that I did not expect was that at times I did not want to hear Jason's voice. I just wanted it all to be quiet and in a way I hated that because he felt so helpless and to feel helpful he wanted to whisper encouragement to me and all I wanted was for him to be quiet and just 'be there'. Finally when it came to pushing and there was a nurse who was so confident and commanding in her instructions to me that I finally said, in as nice a voice I could, after 37.5 hours of labour, that hers was the only voice I wanted to hear. Her voice was so confident and rhythmic that I could focus on what I was supposed to be doing. Jason and I both hadn't expected for me to get to this point. We both expected for me to need HIS voice telling me what to do, but at that point I needed someone with a medical background to tell me when and how long to push. In my mind I can still see the hurt in my dear husband's face that I didn't 'need' him at that point or that he couldn't help me in the way that we both thought I would. Of course we've talked about it and worked through it, but I hate that it came to that. I wish that he was the one I 'needed' in the way he wanted to be needed. Of course I needed him there, just not in the way he needed to be needed (wow does that sound confusing--ha).

When a trip to the big QEII Hospital was mentioned together with the words 'epidural' and 'petocin', I was devastated. Those were two words I did not want as part of my labour journey, but it was 'for the best' according to our doctor whom I trust with my everything. He referred us to an obstetrician whom he held in high regard, considered a friend, and even goes to church with. We trusted him, so when, during the pushing stages of labour the obstetrician suggested the vacuum suction, we trusted him. I do remember that I felt this feeling of "I don't know if that is the right thing to do"--I should have listened to that voice, but I am not to 'should have' myself now. 'Should haves' don't get us anywhere. But that is another voice of lies that seems to sneak in from time to time.

Throughout the whole labour I was able to tell myself that whatever happens during this labour is MY journey, my labour story. It will be like no one elses Just like I had said in an earlier post, birth plans rarely come to be, but never did I imagine that things would go so incredibly different than I had ever imagined. At the point of labour where the vacuum suction was mentioned I knew in my heart that I didn't want this, but I hadn't researched things in this aspect. I never dreamed that things would ever get to this point. So, I clearly didn't know what the consequences could be, so I went on the word of the doctor. At the time this was fine...but as you will find out in a later post, it had its consequences which has my mind reeling with guilt as to our decision from time to time.

When the vacuum suction did not move the baby forward at all, the only option was a cesarean birth. At this point I had been in labour for 37.5 hours and knew that we had done everything possible to have a natural birth. Although 37.5 hours ago I would have hated the thought of a cesarean birth, it was now a welcome option. I knew that I would probably have to deal with the thoughts of "not being strong enough" to make it through a natural birth after the fact and I did (and still sometimes do), but whenever those thoughts come to my mind, my dear Jason reminds me that he was there and I WAS "strong" and that there was never a time where I said "I cannot do this" or "I do not want to do this" or "make it stop". I just kept plugging forward, knowing that the reward at the end would be worth everything I had to go through...

...and it was.

My Labour of Love

2010-05-31T10:36:00.013-06:00

Even a week ago I thought that I would never have the strength of heart to write Mikail's birth story, but now that time has passed and some physical and emotional healing has taken place (with a lot more to come, I am sure), I feel a great need to record what has happened in our little world these past three weeks. It will take a few posts to get the past three weeks written out, but between diaper changes, feedings, and naps, I hope to get it done.

May 8, 2010
At 4:30 a.m. I noticed that my more consistent Braxton Hicks contractions were more constant and painful, so I started to write down the time intervals between each and found that they were about 15-20 minutes apart. This continued on throughout the day as I went about our regular Saturday activities. By about 7:00 p.m. or so, the contractions were closer together and I now needed the support of Jason to get through them. They were not super painful, but I was a lot more comfortable getting through them if he held me and we "slow danced" through each one.

By this time a very "important" NHL Playoff game (Detroit Red Wings) was on T.V. so Jason made sure that our little "dances" that were happening about 10 minutes apart, were strategically "danced" so he could see the T.V. and I really did not care. I just needed him to lean on and sway with me.

As the contractions got closer and closer together and more intense I asked J whether the truck had enough fuel in it to get us to the hospital. I assumed it did, because I had been checking it all week but remembered he had driven to and from our rental house (2 hours away) earlier in the week and did not know whether he had filled up on the way home. He checked. NOPE. Needed fuel. In my mind I was thinking: "Seriously? This only happens in the movies." I sent him off and he went to fill up the truck. A couple of hours after he got back he confessed that he had been so flustered that just as he put the nossle into the tank, he realized it was GAS and we drive a DIESEL. Eeeeek. Can you imagine if he had allowed any gas into the diesel line? Thank the LORD he caught himself before starting to fill the tank (another "only in the movies" moment).

By 11:30 p.m. contractions were 6 minutes apart and I had a HUGE need to get to the hospital. We had decided to have our baby in a rural hospital, 30 minutes from our house, so we began the bumpy ride to the hospital. I quickly put in a labour CD my dear friend Monica sent us, and rode each wave of a contraction, letting the music flow over me. As we approached the hospital Jason put in a song that has been special to us and we listened to it, tears flowing down our faces, knowing this day or the next would change our lives forever. When we entered the ER I was so thankful to see that Dr. Langer (our doc) was on call for the weekend. PERFECT. They checked me in and checked my progress: 4 cm dilated and he expected to have a baby in our arms by 6 a.m.

May 9, 2010
We were brought to a private room and quietly laboured naturally until 9 a.m. when Dr. Langer checked my progress again, only to find that I was only 4-5 cm dilated. Labour had basically stalled. Because this hospital does not do surgeries, epidurals and c-sections are not possible there. Dr. Langer suggested that I be ambulanced to the Grande Prairie hospital where they would administer and epidural and petocin to get labour going again. At this point I was still quite energetic and thought I could conquer this labour thing on my own, but I asked why he was recommending this and as soon as he said for the health of me and our baby, Jason and I both agreed that it was the best move. So, I was transferred to the ambulance and we too THE bumpiest most painful drive I have ever experienced to the QEII Hospital. Up until this point labour had been manageable, but add terrible roads to increasingly more painful contractions, I was ready for the epidural that was awaiting me. The thought of natural labour was out the window after that ambulance ride. What kept me going was seeing Jason in the truck right behind the ambulance. The poor ambulance attendant must have thought I was a little loco as I rode each wave of a contraction with a very audible "Sweet Jesus, take this away from me" or "Sweet Jesus, you can move mountains, so fix the road ahead of us." Those prayers did not get answered like I had hoped :-) but we eventually got there and I had made it!!

When we got to the hospital, around 10 or 11 a.m. (I am not exactly sure when--after that ambulance ride everything got blurry), Jason was already there and I was so grateful to see him, as I had been left in the ER waiting room with people all around me, strapped to a gurney in painful labour. Talk about feeling vulnerable. After what seemed like forever, they had our paper work done and I was off to labour and delivery where an epidural was immediately administered. What joyous relief--for at least an hour, but after that I could not feel the effects of the epidural at all. I had warned the anesthesiologist that my metabolism eats through meds really quickly, but I do not think she believed me through my already 31 hours of labour land delirium. So, I laboured through the petocin induced labour without feeling the effects of the epidural. Finally at 5 p.m. I was 10 c.m. dilated and it was time to push. At this point everything and everyone was annoying me to no end. The only voice I wanted to hear was that of one particular nurse who had a very commanding voice and was very rhythmic in telling me what to do. Finally I asked that hers be the only voice I hear. Pushing went a lot better from that point forward. I had one voice to focus on and listen to. At about 5:50 p.m. the doctor said that the baby was sunny side up and twisted and we had the choice of using forceps or the vacuum. We asked what he suggested and he said that we should try the vacuum for a maximum of three contractions. In the back of my mind I knew I did not want this, but he was the professional. He knew what was best for me and our baby after 37 hours of labour. After all, he did this every day, right? So we tried the vacuum, to no avail and I was then rushed into the O.R. for a Cesarean Birth. The anesthesiologist was shocked at how much was needed for me not to be able to feel anything but pressure. HELLO? Did I not tell her that a few short hours ago?

From that point forward things went really quickly. I was strapped down onto the O.R. table just as described in our prenatal classes (thank goodness we were pre-warned, otherwise I might have had a panic attack) and then Jason was let into the room to come sit beside me and hold my strapped down hand. It took them a while to get my belly numbed to the point where I just felt pressure compared to whatever they were poking me with (had I not told the anesthesiologist this?). In no time I heard the doctor say that our baby had really dark hair and lots of it and shortly after wards they announced that we had a baby BOY. Jason and I both burst into tears and I kept repeating 'Baby you've got to cry. Mama has to hear you cry.' The doctor's or nurses from behind the curtain in front of me kept repeating that he was fine and that he didn't 'need' to cry. I heard them rush him to a table behind us and finally after much prodding from a Mama who 'needed' to hear her baby cry, he did and then they brought him over and nestled his face against mine and allowed me to kiss him before they and Jason took him up to the nursery to observe his breathing.

At this time I remember thinking that I could now finally sleep and sleep I did. I was in the recovery area until around 9 p.m. when I woke up and asked about the baby. Shortly after I was wheeled into our private room where Jason was waiting for me. Mikail joined us an hour later and once again the 38 hours of labour were worth every single second. EVERY single second--how could it not be?

Holding Mikail for the first time.

We are ready for you, little one...

2010-05-07T13:55:00.008-06:00

Living in a house that is constantly under renovations we had to be creative in sharing a small bedroom that not only housed our office, my scrapbooking studio, and our workout room--at least one of our pieces of equipment. The room is small as it is and when you have all of this happening in a tiny room it very quickly turns into a DISASTER AREA. This is what the baby room looked like before we packed everything up and put it into storage. I am embarrassed to even post it, but I love comparing 'before' and 'after' photos:

scrapbooking corner

work-out corner and closet (baby stuff slowly movin' in)

office corner

We pretty much have the baby room ready for the baby. The only thing that really needs to be done is for Jason to change the light fixture and update the wiring in the plugs. That is why there are no switch plates. It's our code to ourselves for: old wiring. If there's a switch plate, there's already new wiring.

So, that is the 'before'. Now for the 'after'. Yesterday I received fabric in the mail from my Mom so I could make the window covering and dust ruffle for the crib as well as finish the 'wall art' above the crib. Now that those things are in place, things look mostly in place.

Sometimes I walk into someone else's baby room or see baby rooms online that are 'theme based' or have the typical blue or pink theme or have matching furniture and I wonder whether we did the right thing and then I remember that those cookie cutter looks are soooooooooooo not me. Fine for someone else, but just not me. I love that we were able to have punches of orange (J's favourite colour) in the room. I love that my Mom is making a quilt with retro fabric patterns (not shown in any pictures...will post once they arrive and she brings it along) in it. I love that I can take my favourite fabric pattern found in the quilt and disperse that same pattern around the room (ie. crib skirt, fabric art above crib, window treatment etc). I love that I can use some of Jason's baby items from when he was little throughout the room. I like the "eclecticness" and hope that it doesn't just look a "hodge podge" of "whatever we could find" because thought was truly put into this room. We hope it is a nice little haven for our little miracle. Anyhow, here are a few pictures (oooohhh...nervous to post):

What you see when you come into the baby room. The crib, the wall art (fabric in embroidery hoops and a painting) and the 'mobile'--a piece we found in a little beach town in Costa Rica.

Looking up.

The closet. It's quite sparse because we didn't want to buy a bunch of neutral clothing. We are waiting to find out whether we have a boy or a girl and then the shopping will begin.

The 'calendar'. Each month I will put up a new page and jot down milestones on the little calendar and then the page goes into an album for the baby that will have photos from that month on the facing page.

Zooming out.

The 'change station'. We used dresser we already had, which is perfect for the cloth diapers. Then I painted shelves we had found at a garage sale and Jason put them up. Everything is right on hand. The long yellow 'wet bag' is for the cloth diapers. The Diaper Genie is for those disposable diaper days and baby wipes.

I still need to perfect the dust ruffle, but it works for now. The baskets are for simple storage.

I took a picture of Jason and myself as babies and framed them for the room. This is Jason's.

This is mine. On the top of the shelf will be the iPod speakers (they are in the labour bag right now) as well as the clock, and this beautiful book made for me by a dear 'birth warrior' as I wait for our little one to arrive.

The shelf in the room. I have always been obsessed with childrens books so the 'board book' collection has been growing steadily. Not that I buy just any board books out there. I love the classics.

These shelves are our garage sale find. Yay! I have used a lot of baskets in the room and was already getting frustrated with not remembering what was in each basket, so I have hung little labels from each basket. To the left of the lower shelf is a musical wall hanging that was Jason's when he was a baby. It plays the Brahms Lullaby. On the bottom shelf is a little cup that has a comb and brush in it. This was also Jason's cup when he was little. Love using these things in the room.

The first of the stuffed toys. LOVE the little sweetpea in a pod from Auntie Lori.

The place where we will be spending a lot of time rocking. The afghan is lovingly made by our 'adoptive parents' out here in the North. Nanny Jeanne has been showering us with handmade goodness for months. Can't wait for our little one to meet her and Papa Leendert.

Hope you enjoyed the little tour.

We are ready for you, little one.

The (non) Birth Plan

2010-05-05T19:50:00.005-06:00

So, it's all over the place right now...these two words: BIRTH PLANS. It seems like an oxymoron to me. Births just can't really be 'planned', so when I mentioned this to my doctor, asking whether he wants a birth plan from us, he asked me what I thought of them. I told him that I had some opinions about what I wanted and didn't want, but to put it in a PLAN that has to come to be seems rather silly when no two births are exactly the same, so how do you PLAN them? Like usual, we are on the same page (have I said before that I love my doctor?). So he said that he tends to look at Birth Plans, or preferences as guidelines or wishes. Anything can happen and the health of the baby and Mama are the top priority. Amen.

Yesterday when I went to our prenatal appointment he asked about the Birth Plan again and I didn't have it. I said I have such a hard time writing things down because I don't want to fit this birth into a box by writing things out. It's going to be what it's going to be. I want it to be what it's supposed to be. The intern explained it quite nicely by saying that Jason and I will be so intent on the task at hand that we might not be able to share our preferences when needed, so to have it jotted down will help the medical professionals without having to bother us. Hmmm... food for thought.

So, this afternoon I sat down and fit our wishes into several categories fitting onto one page: During Labour, Labour Induction/Augmentation, Pain Relief, Delivery, and After Delivery. Now that I have things jotted down in point form, I feel a lot better and have something tangible to hand over to the doctor and it really made me re-think the whole process of birth and what is truly important to us. I realized I have more opinions about these specific categories then I thought I would.

Nesting...again...

2010-05-04T23:09:00.003-06:00

At our prenatal appointment today the doctor asked how the 'nesting' was going and my face kind of fell. I've not had the nesting instinct for a few days now. I am just TIRED. He seemed happy about that...said it was normal at this stage to just want to 'be' and 'get it over with already'.

For those of you who are expecting right now or hope to be in the future, you will get to the point where you are curious about natural ways to induce labour and interestingly enough the doctor brought this up and basically said that the baby will come when it is ready, but proven induction methods that he has seen work are: Sex, sex, and lots more sex. Something in the semen causes the cervix to thin and dilate. Hmmm... ;) Another method he has seen work to aide in labour (perhaps not cause it, but to prepare the uterus)is raspberry leaf tea or tablets. Other then that he says to just 'wait' and stay far, far, FAR away from castor oil (which I wasn't going to go near anyhow). Why, you may ask? This is what he told me: It not only causes strong contractions, but with it usually comes severe diarrhea (that continues throughout labour, not being pleasant for the Mama, the Papa, medical professionals OR the baby because of the embarrassing mess it leaves everywhere)which can cause dehydration, obviously causing even more issues. So, we'll just stick to the more 'fun' methods of labour induction and stay away from the castor oil.

Like I was saying, the nesting instinct seems to have left me, until this evening for some reason. Jason is exhausted and just came to kiss me goodnight. That has only happened a few times in our marriage...usually I am the one kissing him goodnight and am off to bed long before he is. Tonight it's he who is saying 'I can't stay up any more. I tried. I am going to bed.' Tonight all of a sudden I had this NEED to have the throw pillows on the couches fluffed and placed just right (I don't normally care). I had to have the dishwasher unloaded and reloaded and whatever didn't fit, I washed by hand so the counters would be clear (I highly dislike hand washing dishes). I checked over the baby room to make sure everything is in its place and then strategically placed my folder of 'birthing info' on the counter by my cell phone and purse. Hmmm...strange, no?

I also had the most amazing phone call with my sister-in-law today and was able to openly share some of my thoughts on faith and spiritual growth and strength and such things in regards to labour, delivery, and beyond. I felt heard and understood and lifted up...like there was this strength built up in me in just voicing my thoughts and hearing her similar thoughts on the topic. It felt really good and 'safe' and 'unsafe' all at the same time. Love moments like that.

It is time for me to think about getting to bed because if tonight should be the night that I go into labour, I do need my rest. Oh how sweet it would be if this was the night...that THIS was it...

Let it be known...

2010-05-04T08:49:00.003-06:00

...that on May 4, 2010 it is snowing up a storm outside my living room window. Wouldn't THIS just be the 'perfect' day to go into labour? Snow. Slippery roads. Snow. Husband in an important College Course all day long. Snow. Slippery roads. Snow. Wait...did I say it was snowing? Just making sure...

I DO have to go out to our prenantal appointment today (without J--this is only the second appointment he will not have gone to), so I am praying that the roads will be safe and all will be well...

38 Weeks

2010-05-03T09:50:00.003-06:00

Natural Labour Induction Methods

2010-05-02T10:54:00.003-06:00

So, I'm curious...I was talking to a friend of mine about labour and delivery and we started talking about natural ways to try to induce labour. She tried 15 natural methods, none of which worked for her in the end because, like we already know, babies come when they are good and ready, yet somehow in the last 2 weeks of pregnancy us Mamas are READY to meet our little miracle. Still, I am curious as to what forms of natural labour induction you've heard of or tried that worked or didn't work. I know that some methods are considered by some to be controversial and I have a few in my mind that we will be staying away from, but would still love to hear any and all methods that you have heard of no matter how kooky. ;)

Lullaby and Good Night

2010-04-30T15:49:00.004-06:00

Today I was having some quiet time in the baby room. Just me and the baby (still inside my womb), a cup of tea and my thoughts. Those thoughts went to lullabies and prayers and I realized that most lullabies and children's prayers I know are in German and I wondered what the English speaking world heard from their Mama's and Papa's when they were growing up?

Shortly after we announced to family that we were expecting a baby, a package came in the mail from Jason's Mom (Nana) and in that package were a few of Jason's baby items from years ago. One was a little musical wall hanging that plays the Brahms Lullaby. On almost a daily basis, for the past number of weeks I have sat in the baby room, gliding on the glider, and held the wall hanging to my belly and played the Brahms Lullaby for our little one and he or she always responds to the music. I have played the Jewel Lullaby CD and nothing special happens, but this Brahms Lullaby seems to do the trick. How sweet.

So, my question to you is this: What lullaby and/or prayer do you remember the most from your childhood or what is the one you sing/sang the most to your child(ren)? Leave a comment and share your memories. I am wanting to make a prayer/song book for our little one and would love to hear your favourites.

This makes me happy:

2010-04-29T11:19:00.005-06:00

This Easter my parents were at my brother and sister-in-law's place and my six year old niece was sitting beside my Mom drawing a picture. At first she wondered why the adult had such a big belly button but didn't say anything about it. Later when she looked at the picture she saw there was a baby inside the 'belly button' and she realized that this was a picture of me, the baby, and Anna Laura. She immediately asked Anna Laura if they could send this picture to us in the mail. Anna Laura was excited about this and agreed. A few days later we received the picture in the mail and it made my day. It now finds its place on the front of the fridge and will be kept for our little one to show him/her in years to come.

Every time I walk past the fridge I see this picture and it just makes me happy. I love the art of children.

Funny...but not so funny:

2010-04-28T11:58:00.003-06:00

This is one of those funny stories that is funny to everyone but the person it happens to. I just told it to Jason and he thought it was hilarious. Me? I cried when I told it because I feel so stupid. So why blog about it? Well, why not?

I am 33 years old and today I got my FIRST EVER R.C.M.P. pull-over and ticket. I was driving down a road that I swear is 60 kms per hour and I swore I was going 60. Well, out jumps an R.C.M.P. officer and pulls me over. Apparently it is a 50 zone and now that I think about it, it would be one. It shouldn't be, but it is. And I wasn't going 50, or 60 for that matter, I was going 65 kms per hour. So, he asks for license and registration and of course I can't find it in the mess that our console has turned into these past months and it takes me a while to locate it. THEN I wonder, did Jason switch it out with the new one when we renewed it? I couldn't find the date and just passed it all to the officer, praying that J had remembered to do that. Otherwise it is ANOTHER ticket. He goes to his cruiser and is gone FOREVER. As I sit there I realize that I am illegally parked in a public transit stop. I thought I had pulled in front of it, but the arrow goes both ways. Ticket number 3? By this time contractions are busy doing their thing and I laugh, thinking that it would be hilarious if THIS was what brought on labour. I do my breathing exercises and wait. FINALLY the officer returns and says he is ticketing me under the Traffic Safety Act blah blah blah. I kind of smile and say 'Well, maybe THIS will put me into labour'. He looks into the truck at my belly and has this look of panic on his face and asks 'When are you due?' I get teary (not on purpose...I just do and can't stop it) and say 'It could be any day now.' His brief look of panic disappears and I know it is a lost cause, 'Well, if you are in labour I will escort you to the hospital, but you still get the ticket.' Through my tears I say that I am not arguing with him on the ticket. I obviously violated the traffic act, so I can't argue it. He doesn't know what to do with me and says 'Well, I just want you to be safe...especially in your condition'. He slaps the truck twice with his RCMP leather clad gloves and sends me off: 'Drive Safely'. DUH!!

Thankfully only one ticket. He didn't notice or chose not to notice the parking/stopping violation and the registration must have been up to date. Regardless: BOOO--URNS!! May as well just shred $89 dollars. Such a waste.

Take Me In...

2010-04-26T13:31:00.003-06:00

There has been so much going on in our lives these past couple of weeks that we can't seem to wrap our minds around all of these unknowns that seem to be coming all at once. We're trusting that everything will fall into place at the perfect time because that's all we can do. It's all out of our control.

So, when, yesterday, we were at Church and the band played Take Me In, which J and I are used to hearing by Kutless, I was completely overcome. I could only get a few of the lyrics out as I held onto Jason's hand. He was in his own place of worship: eyes closed, head turned towards heaven, praising our God. That sight usually gets me into tears as it is...seeing my husband praising and worshiping God. But allowing these lyrics to wash over me was just too much and I just let the tears flow.

Lately I have not been able to sleep without pain. I am in less pain if I am walking, standing, sitting on the couch or on an exercise ball. Lying down is p-a-i-n-f-u-l and I spend many moments at night praying that labour will come soon. It hasn't yet...but when I heard these lyrics 'Take me into the holy of holies' my thoughts went to the person who once told me that being in labour was such a holy moment. I stood there allowing the lyrics wash over me, praying that He would take me into that particular place of holies soon and that it truly will be such a time of holy of holies.

Following the Church service a well meaning middle aged woman came to talk to me and had such a negative view of birth and labour. I felt deflated. I have worked so hard at surrounding myself with strong, birth warrior type women and wrapped myself in their love and belief that labour is an amazing experience and is each woman's own experience. Jason reminded me that this person is often negative. You see negativity written all over her face in every situation and he is right. So I have been playing this Kutless song over and over whenever her negative thoughts and stories creep into my soul and it's been amazing.

I have been LOVING these past few weeks of preparing for the arrival of our little one. Not only the baby room and such things, but preparing myself emotionally and spiritually for this all. Maybe someday when I am not in the midst of this journey I will share some of these moments here, but for now they are mine and my little one's.

This is what 'full term' looks like around here:

2010-04-25T18:03:00.002-06:00

37 Weeks: We've Reached Our 'Term' Date

2010-04-24T18:44:00.004-06:00

Today marks week 37 of this pregnancy. That means I am 'at term', or rather, the baby is. Three more weeks until the due date. YAYYY!!

We're ready for you whenever you're ready for this big ole world, little one.

While we wait I am busy 'nesting' and Jason is busy putting together things that need to be put together. The latest is the stroller/car seat combo. Now just to get the car seat into the truck. hahaha. No big deal though. Right now we could just throw it in the truck if I were to go into labour and he'd install it at the hospital. Just good to know that it is out of the box. Other then that there is really not much to report on the baby front and right now that is the foremost on our minds.

Working on the Baby Room

2010-04-22T16:04:00.004-06:00

We have been putting the finishing touches on the baby room this week. Some things will have to wait since I am waiting for some fabric that I can only find in Manitoba, so some of the 'art' and the window coverings won't be done until after the baby arrives. Last night J and I spent some time putting up the things I needed help with:

Daddy installing the $3 garage sale shelves we found last fall that were still in their original packaging. A bit of paint and it's turned into perfect storage for the changing area. He sure makes it look more difficult then it was.

Daddy proudly putting up his painting for the baby.

The 'mobile' we bought in Costa Rica last summer before we were expecting our sweet pea. We knew it would be perfect for our orange accented baby room.

Someone's all tuckered out.

Now I am on the search for a few clear or coloured glass containers that have lids for storage. Once things are more in place I will take some pictures and post a baby room post that shows what the room really looks like.

36 Weeks Pregnant

2010-04-20T16:57:00.004-06:00

(feeling like a beached whale)

I feel like I have swallowed a beach ball and that a needle could just deflate it all. If only it were that easy, right? hahaha

Today we went to our first WEEKLY prenatal appointment. That means THE END is near. Yayyy!! Things went well for the most part. Blood pressure good. No mention of protein in the urine, but there could have still been a trace like there has been for weeks. The doc and his intern were more concerned about the fact that there is a hint of a urinary tract infection. He asked if I was having any UTI symptoms. I am quite familiar with UTIs so I knew what he was talking about and I hadn't had any symptoms at all. The doctor said he'd send the urine sample off to have a culture done to see if it was in fact a serious infection, but if we were okay with it, he'd rather not treat for it if it isn't severe. The reason being? A mild UTI left untreated can put some women into labour and he has no problem with me going into labour at any moment. This baby is ready. BRING IT ON!!! If, however, there is a more severe infection he will treat for an infection. Will wait and see what the culture shows.

Other than that this was the week of the Strep B swab (fun times--blech) and the first time they checked to see if I am dilated. I am 1 cm dilated. The baby is no longer lying in a transverse position (thank you Lord--the bouncing on the exercise ball and physically encouraging the baby to scootch may have helped) and is in head down position, read to go. The baby is not yet engaged, so that means it has not dropped. I will keep bouncing on that exercise ball to encourage the baby to drop.

What else do I need to remember (these are my notes to myself for the baby bump journal entries)? Oh yes, the baby's heartbeat was so easy to hear this time around. It sounded like a galloping horse. 140 beats per minute. Two weeks ago it was 128 beats per minute. Can't follow the old wives tales with the heartbeat of this little one. They are all over the place. :-)

A doula friend of mine saw my belly today and said that something happened since last week. Before last week, from the shape of my belly, she was sure the baby was a girl. Now she is convinced that the baby is a boy. She's only been wrong on her guesses once. Can't wait to find out. Funny how the shape can change in the span of one week. I guess the moving from transverse to head down position really makes a difference, huh?

Birthing from Within

2010-04-18T19:00:00.003-06:00

One of the books I have been reading throughout pregnancy is Pam England's Birthing from Within. I have been drawn to this book and the way of thinking it portrays and was so excited when I heard that there is a doula in town who offers Birthing from Within Prenatal Classes. Jason and I were both dreading the Health Unit's prenatal classes (mostly because we had heard from everyone that we talked to that it was a waste of time and they didn't really deal with the emotional journey that pregnancy, birthing, and postpartum include). When I saw that Birthing from Within was being offered right here in our very own city, I started to tell J a little more about this all. Of course, to him it sounded like 'granola crunching, Birkenstock wearing, tea drinking' weirdness (weirdness that is right up my alley), but it didn't take any convincing on my part to have him on board. He could see that this was something I 'needed' and he would do this for me and I just prayed that he would benefit from it as well.

This weekend was the weekend for the classes and we both went into it a bit reluctantly. Me, because I was worried about J and J because he was worried about how weird it would be. Well, it was 'different', but not weird. We both really enjoyed it even though it put us into rather 'new' and 'uncomfortable' situations. New and uncomfortable is often a good thing, right? In this case it was.

One of the many things we participated in was Birth Art and I have permission to share one J's pieces of art. This is his LabOrinth (or Labyrinth). You can click on the link I have provided to read more about LabOrinths, but this is a small quote from that link:

Mothers experience labor as a labyrinth, a LabOrinth. “Ready” or not, with the first contraction, or when the water breaks, they are catapulted across an invisible, but felt, threshold. Once in labor or in the labyrinth, steady progress is made by taking one step at a time until the Center is reached. The Center represents the birth of the child, the birth of the mother, the birth of the family. You could be blindfolded and still reach the Center by feeling your way through the path. You don't need to study the path before you enter it. You don't need a birth plan or a cell phone to call for help! There is no time-line.

Here is Jason's LabOrinth with the threshold stone and the footprints (his, of course are boots, because that is what he wears):

One other Birth Art session we participated in was to make a list of words that are important to us in the birthing process. Words that we want to envelope ourselves in. We were to use those words as a frame around our canvas. In the centre we were to draw an image of this. I chose an open doorway. No door to be open or closed, just a doorway, framed in green to represent the ripeness and readiness to give birth. The yellow representing the light at the end of the tunnel (black).

Don't get me wrong, we are both not 'artists' but even just taking the time to put down these words and images onto a canvas with pastels was so liberating and freeing in a way that 'talking' just wouldn't do. We loved the fact that no one judged our 'art'. Anything went.

So much more was covered in this class but I haven't quite wrapped my mind and heart and soul around it all, but I just had to share this little bit that we loved.

Door to Door Salesmen NOT Welcome!!

2010-04-16T14:29:00.002-06:00

During a moment of more intense Braxton-Hicks contractions, I notice a door to door sales-boy (couldn't consider him a man--too young) walking down the side walk. I contemplate hiding, but notice that he saw me and makes his way up to our front door. I can't just pretend I am not home. He SAW me. Besides there's music playing and it is clear someone is home.

The doorbell rings and I answer, while holding onto the wall as I wait for the contraction to pass.

The sales-boy seems rather shy, but with an attitude. He starts his sales pitch for GE and I try to listen. Finally I interrupt him and kindly inform him that I am not interested in whatever he has for us right now. He looks at me and gets angry: 'Not interested? I didn't even GET to the INTERESTING part yet.'

I smile between winces caused by these so called 'fake' contractions and respond with 'I am sure that there is an interesting part, but this is just not a good time. I am really sorry.' I oddly feel like I am talking to a Jr. High student with attitude.

He huffs and puffs--and blows my house down--no he doesn't, but he is clearly upset. I am sure I must be the 53rd person who has not given him the light of day, but I have a valid excuse. I really do. Maybe I should have just said 'This baby is pushing on my hoohoo, I've got these fake contractions that don't feel fake, and whatever GE has you selling right now is NOT important in my little world right now, so check your sour attitude and try the next house'. BUT, instead, I apologize, close and lock the door and lean up against the closed door JUST as the contraction is over.

Better than Flowers

2010-04-16T09:26:00.002-06:00

Getting flowers from someone who loves you is always a nice gesture, but sadly enough those flowers always land up wilting and dying after a bit of time and although I love it when my husband brings flowers home, he's also learned that I often get far more excited about little gifts. Yesterday he needed to pick up a few things at Totem and I had already been walking around Walmart for an hour and a half so I decided to stay in the truck and enjoy my frappe. When he came back to the truck he kept asking me about this shed that was out there--opposite direction of where he was putting stuff in the truck. 'Did I like it? What did I think of it compared to ours?' I kept thinking 'What? We don't need a shed! We have two and one has got to go!' The topic went as quickly as it started, but I didn't think anything of it.

This morning I was making room in the back seat of the truck for groceries and handed a pile of stuff to J, not really looking at what it was. He sheepishly hands over this pink box and says that he had meant to give this to me yesterday when we got home from Totem and that the shed conversation was a way to hopefully distract me from seeing what he had bought:

Isn't it the cutest gardening set EVER? I love it and I love the fact that it is in support of breast cancer. Isn't that great? And I get to enjoy this all summer and it won't wilt and die.

Sigh.

Love this man of mine.

Beauty in the Midst of Dull Weariness

2010-04-15T14:53:00.005-06:00

It's been a 'week'. Nothing pregnancy related. No worries there. Sometimes being 'nice' and 'Christ-like' is exhausting, and makes you an easy target for being walked all over and taken advantage of. All I will say is that a very distant acquaintance asked to stay with us for a few days. It's going into the third WEEK and now his 18 year old son is joining us too. Not sure where he is going to sleep. Let them worry about it, I guess. Share the queen guest bed. I don't care. I AM DONE!! 31 days until this baby's due date and I need my space. It's different when it is family or friends. I can't wait until family comes to visit. That is different. Completely different. But an acquaintance? ARGHHH. I have decided to stop cooking until next week. Maybe that will make it easier to 'move out'.

So, anyhow, when a few blooms showed up through the soil in the front yard this week, I was super excited. A little bit of beauty in a week full of dull weariness.

Today I decided to 'quickly' tackle making a full recipe of 'Fleisch Perschki' (baked meat pockets) to have on hand in the freezer for after the baby arrives. I think I counted 9-10 dozen, but J and I dug into them at lunch time. I need to go and bag them up so that they are hiding by the time 4:30 p.m. rolls along: as per my husbands request. hahaha Seems that most 'left-over' food in the fridge disappears sometime between the time I go to bed and the time we get up in the morning and I know it's not my husbands doing because his evening snack is usually nothing or mini wheats. So, now when we go to eat left overs for lunch the next day there's little to nothing left for us for lunch. (insert BIG sarcastic smile and a very guilty heart for not feeling Christ-like feelings today)

Ohhh don't they just look so yummy? Off to bag'm'up.

Yesterday

2010-04-13T08:51:00.006-06:00

Yesterday was a major 'nesting' day. Had you been a fly on the wall in our home, you would have found furniture moved so that floors could be cleaned.

You would have found me and my big beluga wale belly crawling along the edges of rooms, dusting baseboards. Nice visual image?! ;-)

You would have found me cleaning the bathrooms.

You would have found me packing the bag(s) for the hospital.

You would have found me making 8 dozen 'Tim Horton's Style' cookies (ie. big, flat, chewy) which are now nicely found in the freezer:

oatmeal, chocolate chip/walnut/cranberry cookies

oatmeal chocolate chip cookies

You would have found me chopping up a huge bag of spinach (just had to give into a spinach sale--ha) to freeze so that it is easily accessible for future supper meals where I try to sneak some of the green stuff into a recipe:

And while this was all going on, I had supper on the go. Roast beef was in the slow cooker, potatoes were ready to be roasted and 'chipa guazu' was ready to put in the oven as soon as the cookies were out of the oven:

It was a successful, yet tiring day. Today I was going to make a huge batch of 'Fleisch Perschki' to freeze, but my dear husband 'won't allow it'. He says that today is 'for me'. Read. Scrapbook. Blog. Email. Talk on the phone, but NO extras. I must have been more tired than I thought, after all of my 'nesting' activities yesterday, followed by hosting our Life Group. He promptly marched my bag of meat that I was going to thaw overnight, back in the freezer, saying he was in charge of supper and NO FLEISCH PERSCHKI are allowed to be made until after Wednesday. No questions asked. Sweet man of mine. So, here I sit and blog instead of filling our freezer with goodies for when the baby arrives. Truthfully, I am enjoying the relaxing morning.

Seriously??

2010-04-12T10:03:00.004-06:00

Dear smarter people than I am,

Question: Does the Health System really expect us to pack THIS MUCH stuff in our bag(s) for labour and birth? I was looking over the list of stuff to pack for the hospital--the list our doctor gave us. It seems rather ridiculous. I don't have enough maternity clothing or large non-maternity clothing to wear in the every day realm of things, never mind packing up a bunch of it in the labour/birth bag that will sit here for a few weeks before I go into labour. What do I do? I really don't want to buy anything else, but just might have to. AND...oh...get this: on the list it says to pack FULL BRIEFS (uppercase, underlined, and bold). Hello!! I don't own any. I am claustrophobic having my belly button covered with underwear (I know, weird, but true...just like fingernail polish on my fingernails makes me feel claustrophobic--no logic there). I think they just might have to 'get over it' (unless those of you who have given birth before know of a valid reason for me to go out and buy granny panties compared to the bikini underwear I already have--then I will). Oh and why would it say to bring a BLACK pen? Why a specific colour? I am so lost.

Any thoughts, advice, and wild, random comments are welcome ;)

All my love,
A Rookie-Mama-To-Be

35 Week Thoughts

2010-04-11T17:17:00.003-06:00

Well, here it is: week 35 of pregnancy. I remember my thoughts in the first trimester being 'Oh Lord, please just let us get past 12 weeks without a miscarriage'. How long ago that seems now. How I am so thankful we got past those 12 weeks. How I am so thankful that 'all day sickness' left after 4 months. Each milestone brings with it new little concerns that soon vanish as well. Trusting that these third trimester concerns too shall pass in time.

Here are my latest random thoughts at 35 weeks pregnant:

Last week the doctor said it was time to have the car seat in the car and our bags packed and ready to go. Today I was bombarded by my weekly emails from Baby Centre, The Bump, and Fit Pregnancy, which I always look forward to every Sunday morning. All of them said that our bags should be packed and the car seat should be in the car. As much as I am ready to meet our sweet pea, I would feel better if I didn't go into pre-term labour. Two more weeks of baking minimum is all I ask. I just want him/her to be ready for this world and come home with us a few days after the birth and not do the NICU thing. But, I think I better get some things packed up tonight...just in case.

Another thing at the forefront of my mind is the fact that although the baby is in 'head down' position, he/she is partially transverse (not quite as transverse as this image, but close). What does this mean? In my case, the head is down to the left by my bladder and lying at an angle over my abdomen, stretching to the upper right side of my ribs. You can feel the knees and shins right in the centre of my abdomen, at an angle. Not the perfect vertical way we want this baby to lie. So, I am willing him/her to scootch over just a teensy bit. Thankfully he/she is not completely transverse (lying sideways), but I am still a bit nervous about this and hope that he/she does his/her scootching over soon. Just for my own piece of mind. I know that often this all corrects itself in the last few weeks of pregnancy or during labour...but for my own piece of mind I'd love for it to happen now. The hospital we are choosing to have our baby at does not do C-sections, so I'd have to be transfered to a hospital that we are LESS than interested in having the baby at. So, I need this baby to do it's scooching.

Last night I spent quite a bit of time in the baby's room, putting things in their place, making up the crib, getting storage baskets into place, and hanging things on the walls. I am waiting for some fabric to arrive from MB (gotta love the fabric at Tanell's Quilting and Sewing Shop) so I can add some finishing touches, and then I will take some pictures to post. They may not come until after the baby arrives though--might just get Mom and Dad to bring the fabric when they come to meet our sweet pea. Today I picked up a few things to add to the room and will work on that tonight while our sweet pea and I listen to some lullabies together. Oh how I love 'nesting'.

What every knocked up, truck owning girl needs:

2010-04-10T11:07:00.004-06:00

Perhaps it's the 'farm girl at heart' part of me that loves our truck. It's big, it's sleek, it's black, it's a diesel, and the back seats fold down into a double bed (makes for easier traveling), and who can resist a chick in a big mean truck, right? teeheehee

In the past couple of months it has been increasingly difficult for me to get into the truck without looking like a complete fool or hurting myself as I try to hoist the extra weight/belly into the truck. It never bothered me before that we didn't have running boards. I loved jumping up into the truck and taking off. As of late there isn't any jumping up into the truck. It's basically been my husband helping me up into the truck or if I am driving myself, I have to somehow shimmy my way up into the truck and slide out when it's time to get out.

A couple of weeks ago we realized that it was time. Time to invest in some running boards. Not only because I need to be able to get into the truck, but soon we will be trying to get a car seat into the truck and it would be much easier if there were some sort of step system to help along with the process. So we did it. We got tubular wheel to wheel six step running boards and I think I am in love:

And look, there are three steps, which means that I can now climb into the box without using the tires anymore. Although that is such a habit, that I am not sure that I'll land up using that step. Will see. Right now there is absolutely no climbing into the box (at least not for another month or two).

Oh to freeze again...

2010-04-09T09:35:00.003-06:00

...no I am not wishing for winter to return. Far from it.

We have been without a freezer for weeks. So when I show you this picture,

you'll know why I am so excited 'to freeze' again. This is the fridge freezer of our extra fridge. It's empty, minus the cold packs. That means we now have a freezer and can actually purchase food for more than a week at a time. YAY!!

I am in organization heaven with this upright freezer. Each shelf has a purpose. Perfect for someone like me. teeheehee

Having a freezer also means that I can now start making meals in preparation for our baby to arrive. To know we have a few freezer meals ready to help ease up on the cooking front in the first few weeks, will make me feel a lot more prepared.

Today, I think I will make a pile of pizza crusts. I tested out my new favourite pizza dough recipe a few weeks ago and it freezes beautifully. Jason couldn't tell I had hauled it out of the freezer. Good sign. So, today is pizza dough making day!

Pregnancy Month 8

2010-04-06T18:59:00.005-06:00

March 2010

This month we start having bi-weekly prenatal appointments with Dr. Langer and then four weeks before your due date we will be seeing him weekly. At our appointment we had an intern again and he measured the fundal height a little differently than Dr. Langer usually does, so I wasn’t surprised when he said I was measuring at 30 weeks instead of 32. Either way it is not a big deal. You are growing and all is well. Your heartbeat was 144 beats per minute and that is perfect. There was a trace of protein in my urine sample again, but my blood pressure is perfect, so they will just continue to monitor things and aren’t too concerned about preeclampsia at this point. This month I had a lot of questions for Dr. Langer. One of these questions has to do with the fact that I have a heart murmur and I have been feeling more distinct palpitations in the past weeks. I was chalking it up to having 50% more blood in my body than usual and the doctor agreed. When he listened to my heart he said it is quite noticeable, but if I am managing it fine on my own there is nothing to be concerned about. During labour and delivery they will monitor it carefully though.

This month I am not the energetic person I was last month. Part of the reason is that you are growing bigger and therefore so am I. It is more difficult to get around and takes a bit more energy out of me. I thought that was the only thing, but I came down with what the doctor thought was strep throat but landed up being just a virus, so I had a really bad cold, cough, and sinus problems for almost four weeks. It was not fun being out of commission for that long, but I kept telling myself that I needed to rest in order to keep you healthy too.

The April 6th prenatal appointment went well. I am a little concerned about my weight gain, but the doctor insists that I am in the very normal range of weight gain and predicts that by my 6 week postpartum appointment I’ll be at my pre-pregnancy weight. Hmmm...we’ll wait and see. I am doubtful. At this appointment your heartbeat was 128 beats per minute. Wow, quite the range over the past number of months. Your fundal height is 32 cm, which is 2 cm off, but nothing to be concerned about. At this appointment Dr. Langer went over the checklist of when to head to the hospital, especially since I’ve been having regular Braxton Hicks contractions. He is glad I am having these contractions since I’ve never had a baby before and this will prepare everything for the real thing. So, the timing of these contractions starts now at 34 weeks already. We also got a list of things to bring to the hospital. Wow. It is quite the long list. More than I would pack to go away for the weekend. Dr. Langer also said that from this point forward, when I go into a grocery store, I should go straight to the pickle aisle and put a BIG jar of pickles in the cart. That way if my water breaks while shopping, I can just smash the jar in the spot the water broke and it will be a simple 'clean up in aisle 3' with little embarassment. Too funny. I just love Dr. Langer. He is THE BEST doctor EVER.

This weekend we emptied the bedroom that will be your room and now have all the baby things in there. I just need some time to set it all up and get everything ready for you. I often find myself going into this room, sit there and imagine what it will be like having you living here with us. We can hardly wait to meet you, little one.

All my love,
Mama

Gettin' Ready for This Baby

2010-04-06T09:12:00.004-06:00

So excited about a couple of orders we made this weekend:

First we were going to order the newborn woombie (swaddler) and then if we liked it and the baby liked it we would go back and order the next size up BUT realized that shipping for one is the same as for two so we may as well just order them both up now and not have to pay double the shipping. So we did:

The Newborn Lime Woombie
and
The Big Baby Toffee Woombie
(it looked nicer on the website for some reason...oh well)

Our next order was a sling (gasp...I know...there have been recalls on slings...NOT these...we did our research) from Hotslings. I was going to just order a black or chocolate brown one because they are a bit cheaper BUT then J asked me which one I would order if I could order any at all...well, the Zoie one was the one I would order if I could, but I thought I'd save $10 or so. Nope, he insisted. So, now the Zoie one is on it's way. Happy Dance.

And would you believe it? The office, which is supposed to be the baby room is now empty of all office things and has the baby stuff in it. I still have to set it all up, but I am so excited. That and we found a glider to nurse in and the mattress for the crib is bought and the crib is set up...we are on our way to being ready for this babe.

I am off for another prenatal appointment this afternoon. Fun times.

Remembering

2010-04-02T21:11:00.004-06:00

Remembering the death that brought us LIFE.

Staying Afloat

2010-03-31T16:13:00.003-06:00

Today is one of those self-doubting days. No matter how much positive self-talk we give ourselves there are some days where we just 'don't feel good enough' or 'up to the task' or 'strong enough'. These days are not often at all, but they do sneak up now and again (especially when lack of sleep is put into the equation) and when they do sneak up, I often find that there are little things that just keep me afloat and get me grounded again and keep me from drowning.

Today those little 'things' came to me in the form of women in my life. Some near by who shared their company with me this morning. Some a far distance away, but close to the heart, giving me the words and the music needed to find my strength and confidence again. One of these women is my next door neighbour. No we are not close, more the standing and talking over the fence when we're outside at the same time, kind of friend. Today, for some reason she thought of me and brought over a cheery bouquet of daffodils. Little did she know that these cheery flowers were a much needed lift-me-up.

Hoping you are finding the little things in life that keep you afloat on days such as these.

The 'Boob' Books

2010-03-30T09:16:00.003-06:00

I discovered this really great way to find books at our local public library. You search for them online and then, even if they don't have them at the local library, they will have them sent out from libraries across the province and you can pick them up at the local library.

So, Saturday morning I headed to the library and went to the 'on hold' shelves and sure enough, there was a whole shelf labeled: IParr. I took my stack of books, signed them out, and was home within 10 minutes. Normally I like to spend time relaxing at the library but when you're not feeling well, THAT is too much work, so this was perfect.

Half of the books that I signed out were Baby Name books or Breastfeeding books. Being a teacher this baby name picking thing is NOT all that fun. We are still not settled 100% on any names. But, back to the breastfeeding books. It seems that I have them spread out all over the house and yesterday I got a box of 'gifts' from Nestle including some literature on breastfeeding. Jason came home for lunch and half in exasperation and half joking, asks 'Why are there books of women with babies attached to their boobs everywhere? It's a little disturbing.' I couldn't help but laugh, because it IS rather funny and true and also just illustrates how differently we as women think compared to men. To me they are books on feeding. To him they are boob books with babies that make him just as uncomfortable as seeing a woman nurse a baby without proper coverage.

Time to move these books all into one discreet location, or just return them to the library. They all say the same thing and in actuality I will just have to 'try it' when the baby comes and figure out what works for us, right?

Interesting Little Tidbit:

2010-03-29T07:00:00.001-06:00

On the side bar I have a 'lilypie counter' counting down until our baby is due. This week the little snippet underneath it says:

Our baby is 18", 5 lbs and gaining.
Soon to be head down and making mum walk funny.

I know that this is just an average of babies at 33 weeks, but what makes it interesting to me is that when I was born (by induction after being overdue--or so the doctor thought), I was 19.3" inches long and only 5 lbs 15 oz. Pretty close to this week's prediction.

I wonder how big our baby will actually be.

Love Letters to Baby Parr

2010-03-28T16:59:00.002-06:00

These past couple of days, while I've been under the weather I have been trying to put together my 'Baby Bump' album and then I realized that after the fourth month of pregnancy I stopped posting my journaling on here, so below you will find some 'catch-up' posts. They are long and perhaps not all that interesting to everyone and that's fine, at least you'll enjoy my growing baby bump photos. I am still working on the 8th month of pregnancy journaling and will post it after our April 6th prenatal appointment.

Pregnancy Month 7

2010-03-28T16:54:00.003-06:00

February 2010

We had our prenatal visit on February 18^th. I gave the usual urine sample, which has always come back normal. This time around there was a trace of protein in the urine, which is cause for concern when blood pressure is high. My blood pressure was normal and everything else was normal, so they will just monitor the protein next time. At this time there is little concern for preeclampsia, but it did concern us a bit that there was a trace of protein in my urine. You were measuring at 28 weeks, which is right on the dot. Your heartbeat was 152 beats per minute. You have had quite the range of heartbeat measurements these past months so it’s difficult to pinpoint that old wives tale that supposedly tell people whether they baby is a boy or a girl. You’ve been in both ranges. We don’t buy into those old wives tales, but they sure are fun to talk about and think about.

The initial glucose tolerance test showed that my levels were borderline for gestational diabetes, so I had to go in for the second test. Drinking that bottle of ueber sweet orange mixture was disgusting. Actually, the first half of the bottle was great, because I had to fast from food and drink before the test, so I was super thirsty, but to get the second half of the bottle down was a bit more of a challenge. The second test I took was a two hour test. I had to go in and they took my blood, then I drank the juice and an hour later they took my blood again. Then I waited another hour and they took my blood one last time. Thankfully the results came back in my favour and I did not have Gestational diabetes. We were so grateful to hear this news.

This month has been amazing in the area of feeling you move. You have definite awake times and sleep times. Up until this point your head has been on my left side with your back coming around the left up towards my ribs. There was one day where I had this strange sensation, almost pain for a few minutes and after that I have felt your head in the same position but your back now seems to be on the bottom with your feet kicking at my ribs on the right side. I am not sure if this is accurate but we will ask the doctor when we go see him next. Your movements have changed from distinct kicks to distinct stretches. My belly seems to do these little waves as you move around. Sometimes I can feel a limb when you stretch and I get tears in my eyes thinking about the first time I will get to hold you and touch your little arms and legs and fingers and toes. I can’t wait to meet your sweet little face.

On March 7^th Daddy and I went to Sears to register for some baby things. Your Daddy is so sweet and wants the best for you. He researched strollers, asked a lot of people questions of their preferences, and asked the sales lady a lot of questions as well. We hadn’t expected to come home with a stroller and car seat, but there was such a good sale on that we decided to buy the car seat and the stroller. Right now the box is still all packaged up and in the garage, but by April 8^th, we will have installed the car seat in the truck so that we are ready for you, little one.

I have had a lot of energy these past couple of months and LOVE IT. I feel so good and productive. I took all of your baby clothes and blankets that we have so far and washed them. We also bought cloth diapers. They are washed and prepped and lovingly placed in the dresser drawers of the dresser that will be your change table. I am taking advantage of this energy I have because apparently it will leave in the next month or so as you grow and I become more cumbersome in my getting around and therefore may not have as much energy.

Your Daddy has been talking to you a lot, rubbing my belly, and singing songs to you. You seem to like his voice because usually when he talks to you, you move around. He loves to rub my belly and always hopes to feel you move. Often if we are hugging and my belly is against his, you will deliver a swift kick or movement and this always makes him laugh. He loves you so much, little one. We both do.

All my love,

Mama

Pregnancy Month 6

2010-03-28T16:52:00.003-06:00

January 2010

The prenatal visit this month came right after our ultrasound and we were thankful to hear that according to the findings of the ultrasound, you are developing quite nicely. The doctor himself could not tell from the ultrasound pictures that the technician sent him, whether you are a boy or a girl, so you will be surprising us all. This month you measured 21.5 inches, which is a little shorter than the 22 weeks 2 days that I am pregnant, but I am sure you will catch up soon enough. You seem to have these little growth spurts and catch up in no time. Once again you tried to kick away the pressure of the Doppler machine, but we were able to find your heartbeat eventually once you settled down. It showed 147 beats per minute. The doctor said that your head is on the bottom left, right on my bladder and your bum is up to my belly button. He confirmed what I thought myself.

I have been reading a few books about childbirth and childcare. One is called ‘Birthing from Within’ by Pam England. Another is ‘Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth’ by Ina May Gaskin and the one that I am enjoying the most is one that your Uncle Brent and Aunt Angela sent us. It’s called ‘The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer’ by Tracy Hogg. I love this book because it really opened my eyes to what things will be like when you get home. Being a teacher I have always thrived on loose schedules and this is Tracy Hogg’s method of making your life and my life and in turn our family’s life run smoothly after your arrival. However, I think I was getting to the point of ‘information overload’ and was starting to lose sleep because I could not shut my brain off when it was time for bed, so your Daddy suggested that I put the books away for a month or two and just enjoy the process of being pregnant. You really do have a wise father, you know. I listened to his advice and you and I have been sleeping better.

This month I have been busy making little things for your arrival. I have made a few burp cloths for you, as well as a ‘no sew fleece tie blanket’. Since you will be born in May, we won’t need one of those warm car seat covers that parents use in winter, but it does still get chilly here during the spring and summer, so this fleece blanket will be perfect to keep the cool breezes away from you.

Although we don’t put any merit into these Old Wives Tales that we hear about, your Daddy and I do get a kick out of trying to guess whether you are a boy or a girl, through some of these old wives tales. The funniest one that I have heard is that if your pillow faces north, the baby will be a boy. How silly is that?

Whether you are a boy or a girl is irrelevant to us, we just have fun guessing. You are already loved so deeply, little one.

All my love,

Mama

Pregnancy Month 5

2010-03-28T16:46:00.006-06:00

December 2009

On November 30^th we had our fourth prenatal appointment. When the nurse tried to find your heartbeat with the dopplar machine, you kept moving around, hiding from the pressure of the dopplar machine. I finally asked you to gently stop moving so that we could see if you are doing alright. The nurse responded with ‘Yes, you little stinker, stop hiding and moving around’. It was quite funny. You did obey and your heartbeat was found at 147 beats per minute.

This month has been quite busy. I got a pretty severe sinus infection and am not allowed to take the usual remedies that I would take if I would get a sinus infection. Your Daddy was amazing and took care of us so lovingly. He went out and bought natural remedies, regularly brought me a bowl of hot water to steam my face. Finally the pain and discomfort got unbearable and we went to the Emergency Room where the doctor gave us antibiotics that worked within a few days. That took care of the infection.

I had the strangest dreams that you would be born and we wouldn’t have clothes or blankets for you. It makes no sense at all because there is so much time yet before your arrival for us to prepare these things. Yet, I was losing sleep over it, so I went online and started to look for neutral newborn clothing on Kijiji. Sure enough I came across one lot in Winnipeg and the clothes look brand new. I had Auntie Viola pick them up for us and now those dreams have stopped. You WILL have clothes to wear and blankets to keep you warm.

During this month Grandma Epp passed away so we took the trip to Manitoba a little earlier than we had planned. It was nice to be there for the funeral. I wish you could have met Grandma Epp. She was such a gentle soul with a strong spirit.

We were in Manitoba until Christmas Eve and it was so great to spend some time with friends and family. Especially to be able to show off my baby bump. This was the first time in years that all of us siblings were together at Christmas. It was so special to have Anna Laura and Melissa there to celebrate Christmas. They are your Hiebert cousins and they were super sweet, rubbing my belly and talking about you. They already love you and can’t wait to play with you. We also spent two weeks in Ontario with your Parr cousins and aunts and uncles and Nana and Papa. They too cannot wait to meet you!

When we got back from our Christmas travels we made it just in time for our first ultra sound on January 7^th. I had to go into the room alone with the technician and Daddy had to wait in the waiting room. I did not get to see the screen until the technician called your Daddy into the room and then we got to see you for the first time together. The room was quite small, so Daddy had to stand at the foot of the bed. He rubbed my feet and squeezed them lovingly when we first saw you. You are just perfect. You were busy stretching your arms above your head and kicking your legs. You even gave us the cutest little yawn. I love your little chin and your button nose. I can’t even describe the love we felt for you at that moment when we first saw you. Our original due date according to the doctor was May 16^th, but the ultrasound technician says that everything indicates a due date of May 8^th. Your heartbeat during the ultrasound was 137 beats per minute. We were sure to buy a CD of ultrasound pictures as a memento of our first time seeing our little miracle.

All my love,

Mama

Tired

2010-03-27T21:17:00.003-06:00

This is it. Going into the third week of being sick, while becoming increasingly uncomfortably pregnant. I am tired of it. Not the pregnant part. The combo of being sick and being pregnant. It wears on me. Yesterday I was turning a corner. The cough was gone, the sinuses were draining, the ears were unplugging, the eyes weren't as red and gooey gross and my voice was slowly coming back and I had energy--a little anyhow. All that changed around 1:30 a.m. when the pain the lungs, the cough, the sinuses, the ears, the gooey eyes and the lost voice all returned with a vengeance more severe than before? How much longer?

I thought that maybe, just maybe, if I ignored it, this morning I would feel better. I showered. I ate breakfast. I had a few cough attacks. I did my hair. I didn't dare put on make-up because my eyes are still so swollen and gooey. I went and picked up reserved books at the Public Library and then picked up a few things at the grocery store. By the time I got to Home Depot to pick up vapour barrier for J, I was DONE. I could have just found an empty pallet in the middle of the store and had a nap. So, I went home and tried to nap the sick and tired feeling away--sadly to no avail.

So, I aired out the house and wanted to disinfect everything, but found the couch instead. No fooling this pregnant sick body.

Now my dear husband is out having fun with friends. And me? I send along some fresh Easter buns complete with icing and sprinkles and fake that it's okay that he has 'left me' at home. I want to go out and have fun too. But what fun is it when you can't talk, your eyes look a mess, and you have a coughing fit that hurts your ribs like crazy because a little beautiful being is kicking you, trying to get you to stop making the racket. So, I sit at home with my cup of tea and write a pointless blog entry and repeat these words over and over in my head:

I will restore health to you...
(Jer. 30:17)

Tomorrow will be better right?

When Life Happens

2010-03-25T14:58:00.004-06:00

I haven't been faithful in blogging lately. I have wanted to, but life happens. I've been under the weather for over a week and it's wearing on me. I don't have energy to write in this medium though. I have, however, still been writing--the old fashioned pen and paper sort of way. I need to. It is good for me.

Yesterday I realized something when I heard this quote:

It is better to write for yourself and have no public,
Than to write for the public and have no self.
Cyril Connolly

In a way blogging sometimes feels like I'm writing FOR someone else and in doing that I lose some honesty simply by omitting certain things that I just don't find belong on this blog. In doing so it's like I lose a bit of myself. In this season of life I just can't lose any part of myself because my self is being redefined as motherhood is just around the corner.

I don't know if any of this makes any sense at all. Perhaps once this nasty virus passes me by I will be re-energized and feel the need to blog more, but for now, things are going to be a little sparse in the posting world.

Just hangin' out

2010-03-22T09:50:00.003-06:00

Well, it seems that our household has been hit by sickness. Last Monday I substitute taught and by Wednesday morning I was convinced I was getting a cold. Thursday hit with a fever and really sore throat that just felt like I was getting Strep Throat. As a teacher I am quite familiar to this infection, but hadn't had it in quite a few years. Well, I must have picked it up that Monday when I substitute taught because when we went to the hospital to check it out, the doctor confirmed it and put me on penicillin. It's been three full days of meds and my throat is no better, plus I have a nasty cold now.

The only thing that seems to help is drinking or eating something really cold. Icecream isn't cold enough. Slurpees are:

Excuse the bedhead, no make-up and no glasses. This is how J found me vegging in front of the TV yesterday afternoon.

I am tired of slurpees and smoothies are a lot of work to make, so when we remembered a snack a friend of ours had at the cabin this past summer, we jumped all over it: Frozen Grapes. Sounds strange, but it is so yummy. Just buy some grapes, wash them and pat them dry and put them in ziploc bags in the freezer. Grab a few throughout the day and they are a sweet snack and perfect for that sore throat.

My Household Notebook Part One

2010-03-09T10:39:00.005-07:00

For the past few months I have been struggling with being motivated to get the house work done. This is a problem because I need to get into a routine in order to keep this household running when this little babe arrives. So, I went to a couple of websites and did some reading. Two of my favourites are ideas found from The Imperfect Housewife's 'Household Notebook' as well as ideas I had gleaned from The Fly Lady a few years ago.

I have made a Parr Family Notebook and it has found it's home on the island in the kitchen. The center of our home. This notebook is actually a binder and in it I have several sections. Today I want to tell you about my favourite section:

THE WEEKLY PLANNER:
I made a list of all the things I needed to get done on a weekly basis to keep this house neat and in order. Growing up we always had Saturday as our 'clean the house' day. I hated devoting a whole day to cleaning the house, so I have made a plan that will hopefully work for me to clean the house throughout the week, bit by bit. I am on week three of trying it out and it's working for me. I love it!! I wake up in the morning and have a mission before me. It gives me goals to achieve throughout the day and if the day gets super busy and I don't 'get to it', I shift it to a day or two later on in the week. My house has felt clean and neat in a more consistent manner now. I think this is what I needed.

Maybe it is the teacher in me that needs these goals, but that teacher in me also knows to go with the flow because lesson plans rarely go the way you planned them. Things come up. Life happens, and you go with the flow. So, I don't view this weekly 'To do List' as a must. It's just a guideline for myself and it's working (for now).

My weekly plan fits onto one page and has routine things I do every single day, colour coded in orange ink. Then underneath, I have listed household cleaning items that need to get done in green ink. I have also left several blank spaces to add to my list, as well as a place to remind myself of phone calls/emails to send out, and a section for the menu of the day. If you want a closer look, CLICK HERE to download my weekly planner (somehow in the conversion process, my bullets turned into the letter 'y' with umlauts. In my original document, they are little boxes to check off. Go figure.)

So, those are the basics of the Weekly Planner section in my Household Notebook. I will post more entries with more details in the days to come.

(IF the download link doesn't work, let me know and I can email you the Word Document, for those who are interested)

Ding...Dong...

2010-03-08T15:24:00.003-07:00

...the doorbell rang in the middle of the day.

Who could that be?

None other than the flower delivery lady. (Insert happy dance)

My dear husband had flowers sent to the house for our anniversary. How sweet is THAT?

It's been two years of marriage for us. We're just 'babies' in the marriage department, but somehow it feels like we've always been married. Not in a bad way. Just in the 'I found my true soul mate and I couldn't imagine things differently' kind of way.

We are busy with Life Group tonight so we won't have time for a special dinner or anything, so we celebrated yesterday. We spent the afternoon at Sears doing the 'baby registry thing' and came home with a stroller and car seat (yay!!). Then we went out for dinner and what a lovely dinner it was!! Last week I took our wedding vows and printed them out on two business card sized papers and went to Staples and had them laminated. That was my Anniversary card for J this year. We now each have a copy of our wedding vows tucked in our wallets, to go with us wherever we go. J was so sweet to read them right there in the restaurant...but once he got half way through my vows to him, he quickly put the card into his wallet. I was confused and asked him what was wrong. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and admitted that he couldn't read my words to him right then and there without crying. So sweet.

I am blessed to be doing life with this man of mine.

Happy Anniversary, my love.

In All Things

2010-03-01T15:30:00.004-07:00

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I have to remember these words lately, but especially today. Jason and I are both feeling homesick. It works out fine when it is just one of us at a time because then we can better encourage one another that the time will come when we can move home. When it is both of us that miss home all we seem to be able to do is hold each other and let the tears flow.

...in all things God works for the good of those who love him.

I have to remember those words and repeat them over and over to my husband when this idea of having an income property isn't such a great idea in reality--especially when that property is 2 hours away. When reality means that there is water leaking in the dining room and the renters call every day to update how many buckets they have down to catch the drips. With warm temperatures the next two weeks, I expect we will be getting a daily phone call from them. The thing is we had it all lined up to get fixed. We had a contractor lined up. We met with him. We came up with a plan and then we find out that less than an hour after we met with him, he had a severe heart-attack and was medevacced to Edmonton. We feel terrible for this guy and it is no fault of his own that this happened to him--he was in his late 30s/early 40s (my guess). We are just disappointed to lose a contractor that was finally proving to be promising. Now we are at step one again AND things have started melting so we didn't beat the melt and more damage could be caused. We are both trying not to do the 'coulda-shoulda-woulda' game. Just praying that the two names we got from friends will at least leave us with one promising contractor who will be able to do the work for us. AND then there are the finances of it all. How much does it cost to fix an issue like this? We have saved and saved, but labour is so expensive. Just praying it all is enough.

...in all things God works for the good of those who love him.

I have to remember these words when the amount of work that has to happen in the basement overwhelms my husband. I have to remember to encourage him and be careful not to show my own growing anxiety that the nursery won't be done in time for the baby because the basement won't be finished far enough to move the office down there and make way for the nursery. Never mind the crib, car seat, stroller etc. that still all need to be purchased. I keep telling myself that the baby doesn't NEED a nursery. I need one and in reality I don't 'need' one, I just would like one.

...in all things God works for the good of those who love him

I have to remember these words today when I get a phone call from my doctor's office saying that the second glucose test I had to take to rule out gestational diabetes came back as 'normal'. I was quite worried about this and the health of our little one, but all is well. Our sweet pea is kicking up a storm and growing each day. We are so thankful.

...in all things God works for the good of those who love him.

The Olympics

2010-02-28T16:46:00.003-07:00

&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt; &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://www.vancouver2010.com/olympic-medals/" title="Vancouver 2010 Medals"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;View the vancouver2010.com medals' table&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;

Having so many friends in the U.S.A. I always feel a tad bit torn when we play against each other in the Olympics. This Gold Medal Hockey Game was soooo close. Two amazing teams playing each other, and watching the U.S.A. guys receive their silver medals with such solemn faces just tore at my heart. At the same time, the Canadian in me beamed with pride as we received the Gold Medal after such a very, very well played and close game.

Also proud of the fact that we broke another Olympic record: The most Gold medals won by a host country AND even though we didn't win the most medals over-all (that goes to my friends to the south), we did win the most Gold medals.

What a great two weeks of Olympics. It's going to be lonely without the games playing all day.

Today

2010-02-27T15:52:00.006-07:00

It feels like the exhaustion of the first trimester has hit again. I guess this is Welcome to Trimester Three? I am sleeping better at night now that I've found a cure for my leg/foot cramps that were keeping me up at night, but by noon I am exhausted. I try to get a nap in and today I did get one in and felt great for about 2 hours and now I could have another one. Crazy if you ask me, but maybe that is normal?

Today has also been one of those teary days. Anything and everything has got me in tears. I am fine until J asks 'How's my sweetheart?' or 'How's Little Pappy today?' and rubs my belly or kisses it. Then I fight back the tears and of course cannot hide them from him. No hiding emotions from this man of mine. BUT my poor husband--I feel so bad for him because it's nothing to do with him or anyone. I think I'm just pregnant, but he takes it in stride and just makes me feel loved and normal--exactly what I need right now.

Talking about being teary and emotional, have you seen this Tim's commercial? I've seen it many times and it gets me every time. I just love it. So precious.

I can't believe I waited this long...

2010-02-20T07:00:00.000-07:00

I've lived out here for over two years already. Can you believe it? Well, the thing I can't believe is that in those two years I have NOT gotten a Public Library Membership. GASP. I LOVE to read, but somehow I always splurged on a book when I needed one.

Lately I have had to give up reading books on newborns and birthing. Mind-over-load resulting in lack of sleep and unnecessary worrying. So, J went out and bought me a 'brainless read' for my birthday: one of James Patterson's latest novels. He's one of my favourite authors and now I am sleeping MUCH better, minus the frequent bathroom trips and the excruciating leg cramps that cause me to dance around the house at all hours of the night--BUT I am not over-loading my mind with birthing and newborn worries (more on that in another post) and actually getting sleep when I am not peeing or dancing. :-)

Today I realized that I am almost done my James Patterson book and looking at my bedside, dresser and under my bed, there are TOO MANY BOOKS that I have accumulated over these past two years. I have boxed them up and shipped them off to the garage and today I made my first trip to the Grande Prairie Public Library to choose my next coule of books and it was fantastic.

The library is in a beautiful new building and next time I go I am taking my camera. There is lots and lots of room between stacks. Plenty of computers. Many tables and chairs, trendy couches, and comfy chairs, and the windows...THE WINDOWS let in such amazing sunlight. Next time I go, I am making a morning of it and going a bit early so I can just sit at the cafe and enjoy a coffee and some fatteningly (yes, I made that one up) delicious treat (I can blame it on the baby, right?) AND I will be bringing my camera. I just have to capture some of the loveliness of it all.

Hello Third Trimester

2010-02-19T13:01:00.004-07:00

Yesterday Jason and I had another prenatal appointment. When we got to the clinic, the doctor had still not arrived from the hospital, so we knew it would be a long wait. We took the opportunity to brain storm meal ideas we could prepare ahead of time and freeze so that on days after our sweet pea arrives, when we just aren't up for cooking, we can pull something out of the freezer. We have a few ideas and I am now in the process of making lists of groceries needed so that it doesn't all come off of one months grocery budget. Spread the love, right? By the way, if you have any great prepare ahead of time and stick in the freezer type meals, please let me know. I am open to ideas.

Once we finally got called into the examining room and the doctor and his student came in, they went over the usual weight gain, baby's heartbeat, blood pressure, and urine sample results. My weight gain is fine, although I have NEVER before seen the number that popped up on the scale. YIKES, scary stuff (but I keep reminding myself it's because of the baby and I am truly being careful and NOT eating for two) and to think I have virtually three more months of gaining weight in front of me!!! I dread to see what the scale says next month. The nurse just laughed at my response to seeing the number because apparently it was exactly normal for this time in the pregnancy.

In the past the urine sample has always come back with normal results, but this time the protein levels were slightly higher than usual, which is cause for alarm when paired with high blood pressure, swelling, eye sight problems etc. My blood pressure is normal. I have no swelling in my face or hands, just slightly in my feet/legs, and my eyes are fine. So, the doctor said we'll check it again next month and if it is the same or back to what it should be, that's fine--just my kidneys working harder, which makes sense since I am always fighting off something sinus related. If, next month, it is elevated and some of these other symptoms change, then I am at risk for preeclampsia and they will then do more tests and establish if an emergency c-section or induction will be needed. Right now they are just watching for it. Other than that, the baby's heartbeat is strong and is measuring at 28 weeks (I am actually 27.4 weeks according to the doctor...but I have my own inklings as to when this little one will arrive-thanks to charting my temps etc and knowing when I actually ovulated). According to the doctor, he/she is in an ideal position--head sitting on my bladder, legs kicking my ribs--sounds perfect, doesn't it? :-) The doctor seemed to like the fact that the baby is a kicker and a puncher rather than a mover. He'd rather that he/she stay in this position until the end because right now he/she is in perfect 'exit' position.

I have to go in for the usual glucose screening test (to rule out gestational diabetes). If everything is okay with the glucose test, then we will not hear from the doctor until our appointment on March 23rd. After that I start seeing the doc every two weeks and then every week until the baby arrives. Right now the only complaints I have are minor (lack of sleep, more tired, leg/foot cramps, increase in hunger) and the doctor assures me that they are normal and said to expect an increase in appetite as this little one is sucking all the nutrients it can out of me right now. When he said something about those first trimester cravings returning with a vengeance, J perked up. He LOVES running out and getting whatever it is I am wishing for at the moment. The only trouble is I rarely speak up about what I am craving. Seems silly to go out and get stuff like that on whim, but I try to remember that he loves to go out and get whatever it is I am craving, so I need to indulge now and then.

So, that's it. The first and second trimesters are behind us and we are on the home stretch. Yahooooooooo! Can't wait to meet this little one.

It never hurts to ask...

2010-02-18T08:49:00.003-07:00

We've been working on house and yard renovations for about a year and a half now and today I was reminded how blessed we are. A little research, a few questions, and some of what we are doing is covered financially. For example: our fence. We talked to our neighbours and discovered they wanted to rebuild their fence, so we went into the fence building project together, sharing the cost. ChaaaChing!!

The dead trees in the front yard would cost a pretty penny to be taken down because they were so huge that we couldn't do it ourselves. We honestly thought they were on our property so the city would not include them in their program of removal. We thought we'd ask anyhow, so we did. They came and checked it out and all three trees were on the property line and proved to be a hazard--either because they were dead and could snap at any time (and if they landed on our house we could go to the city and have them pay for any damage), or because they had disease and might spread the disease. Within a few days the trees were taken down by the city, at the city's cost. And the bonus? This coming fall they will replace those trees with new healthy ones. ChaaaChing!!

And the latest ChaaaChing?? Our house was built in the early 1970s so the gas meter is in the house, which is quite the pain when the meter readers want to come and read the meter and we are not home, or I am home alone and have vivid CSIish psycho gas meter reader episodes in my mind, so I am not too keen about letting them in (hahaha). The last time the meter reader was here J was around and asked them if we were on the program to have our meter moved outside. They checked and YES, we are. So, as we speak, they are moving the meter outside and just because J asked, they are adding an extra 'elbow' inside in case someone, someday wants a gas stove or gas dryer, it will be ready for them. They are adding another elbow outside to attach a BBQ to, in case someone, someday wants their fancy BBQ attached to the gas line. All just because we 'asked' and it didn't cost us a single penny. ChaaaChing!! All those little things add up to some pretty nice upgrades to a property. So, in the future, I will remember that it never hurts to ask.

Udder Covers

2010-02-17T11:20:00.004-07:00

This weekend a friend of mine emailed me to tell me about this website called 'Udder Covers'. A nursing cover has always seemed like a frivolous thing when a blanket works fine. After having come to the realization that there are quite a few people who are uncomfortable with people nursing in public, I decided I might just like to get one so as not to make friends and family members uncomfortable when I am nursing our baby. I really don't like the idea of having to leave the room when feeding our little one. So, I picked up a simple one a few weeks ago after I could not find the one I had envisioned in my mind. I wanted something long and something that had a rigid neckline so that I can still see our little bundle. I could not find either. That is, until this weekend when I got this email telling me about Udder Covers. I went to the website and found that it was exactly what I was looking for, but quite pricey. $32 + $10 shipping. Hmmm. I kept reading my friend's email and found out that there is a promotion on right now where you can get the udder cover for the cost of the shipping. Hmmm...a $32 savings. At first I didn't think I would go for it because I had bought one already, but when I told J about it he said to go for it. So, I did.

Those of you who are looking for something like this for yourself or as a baby shower gift, let me know in the comments section and I will email you the promotional codes that you can try in the 'check out' and it leaves you to only have to pay for the shipping. I am not sure how long the promotion is on, but it worked for me last night. Just waiting for the udder cover to arrive in the mail :-)

Lent

2010-02-16T18:05:00.003-07:00

It's that time again. The 40 days before Easter. For years I would give up something for the season of Lent and this became really important to me. In the past couple of years I haven't give up anything though. J said it's his fault. I stopped when we met. True. I stopped after we met, but I don't think it's his 'fault'. It's my own.

So, this year I have been thinking about what I might give up. In the past it has been a food or a drink that I have fasted from. Being pregnant, this is a little more difficult, so I was running some ideas by J. The things I am most 'addicted' to are blogging and facebook. I could give up one of the two for 40 days. His response? A resounding: NO!! Not either of those. According to J, blogging is a way of therapy for me and facebook keeps me in contact with people when I otherwise feel really lonely and far from home. Hmmm...that leaves me with what?

Any ideas? If you participate in this 'ritual', what are you fasting from or giving up this Lent Season? What is it that is going to help you to identify with Christ's suffering and remember what the true pleasures are for followers of Christ?

"That" Dreaded Day

2010-02-16T13:50:00.004-07:00

I have always had a fond dislike of Valentines Day. Chalk it up to years of being single and hating the hoopla and commercialism of this 'couples world' holiday. Now that I am no longer single, I feel torn about this celebration. It's kind of silly to me, really. J and I work hard at making each other feel appreciated and loved throughout the year...not just on February 14th. I long ago told J that I don't want an over-priced bouquet of flowers for Valentine's Day. It's ridiculous, really.

So, we had a low key Valentine's Day. I made some 'festive' cupcakes that we enjoyed as a break from building walls in the basement (okay, J did the building. I was instructed to stay away from the dust), the day before:

On Valentine's Day itself, we were busy helping out at church and then headed off to a 'Family Day' Sleigh Ride. When we came home it was Olympics, and a dinner J made just for me. Throughout the day he kept finding coupons from me all over the house and in the evening we exchanged cards and he lovingly gave me some special 'oil' to rub all over my expanding (and hopefully stretch-mark-less) belly. We watched a movie (no--not a romance. Action all the way) and called it a night. Not your typical, date night, dozen roses, box of chocolates kind of Valentines Day, but I wouldn't want it any other way. It was perfect.

Yes, it is nice to tell your love that you love them and appreciate them, but why not make it throughout the year and no buy into the commercialism of it all? It also helps the budget a whole lot!! Just my personal opinion.

Pasta Lovin'

2010-02-15T19:28:00.004-07:00

As I said in an earlier post, I've been trying out some new recipes to try to spice up the tired cooking around here. One thing I have been trying to do is find pasta recipes that my husband will enjoy. I LOVE pasta. He does not! I am convinced that the reason he does not like pasta dishes is that he hasn't found what he likes and equates pasta with tomato paste type recipes. That is ick for me too. Pasta doesn't have to taste like it is smothered in boring old tomato paste. So, I now have about a handful of pasta recipes I can use and he'll oooohhh and ahhhhh over the yumminess of them.

Here's the one I tried today. I made it as a vegetable dish replacement, not as the starch because I felt like he'd still need his traditional 'starch', but guess what he said? We could have this as the main part of the meal. YAYY!!!

Once again, I will type out the recipe as it is in the book and put my changes in italics:

Spinach Roll-Ups

8 large lasagna noodles (I used spinach lasagna)
1 cup shredded low fat mozza cheese

Cook the noodles al dente according to package directions. Drain, rinse, and drain again.

Filling

15 oz non-fat ricotta cheese (I could not find non-fat so I just used low fat)
1 package (10 oz) frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry (For some odd reason this town was out of frozen spinach so I bought fresh organic baby spinach. I loosely put enough leaves into an 8 cup measuring cup and then put the leaves through the blender to 'chop' them)
1/2 cup grated carrot (I skipped this because I didn't think it would go well)
2 Tbsp fresh minced parsley (I used dry instead because I forgot to pick up fresh stuff)

Combine filling ingredients in a medium sized bowl and stir to mix well. I also added a bit of salt and pepper and dried Italian seasoning to the filling. It could have used a bit more salt than I put on.

Sauce

1 can (1 pound) unsalted crushed tomatoes (I used about 14 oz--1/2 a 28 oz can)
1 can (6 oz) unsalted tomato paste (ICK--I used 3/4 cup medium, chunky, salsa instead)
1/4 cup vegetable broth or water (I used water)
1 medium yellow onion, chopped
1 tsp dried Italian seasoning
1 teaspoon crushed fresh garlic

Saute the onion and garlic until the onions are almost done. Add the water or vegetable broth and let simmer until onions are done. Add the rest of the ingredients for the sauce and let simmer for 20 minutes on low. If you're in a hurry, the recipe suggests that you use 3 cups of bottled fat-free marinara sauce instead. I would be iffy to try that knowing that the made from scratch stuff was so delicious.

Coat a 9x13 glass pan with nonstick cooking spray. To assemble the roll-ups, arrange the noodles on a flat surface and spread 1/8 of the filling mixture along the length of each noodle. Roll each noodle up jelly-roll style, and place in the prepared dish, seam down. Pour the sauce over the roll-ups.

Cover the dish with aluminum foil, and bake at 350 deg. F for 30 minutes. Remove the foil, top with mozza cheese and bake for 10 additional minutes or until the cheese is melted. Serve hot.

Let the Sun Shine In...

2010-02-13T17:29:00.002-07:00

Sometimes living in the north it seems like winter days are cloudy, cloudy, cloudy. I miss seeing the sunshine. This morning I woke up to bright sunshine and it just felt like spring was around the corner. It was still quite a cool (-15 degrees Celsius) morning, but somehow it just felt spring-like to me.

I had a few errands to run, so after a lazy morning I headed out in the truck. Sunglasses were found, dusted off, and happily worn. By this time the temperature was about -6 degrees Celsius, which is warm for February around here. On the way home, sunglasses on, windows rolled down, and Kid Rock's All Summer Long blaring away, I felt like spring must be around the corner. It must be, right??

All this, because the sun decided to shine today.

LOVE THAT!!

It's Been Twelve Years

2010-02-12T09:21:00.004-07:00

It seems that I post about this every year. I remember posting it on my 'Snapshots' blog and on my 'Tomorrow Country' blog and now on this blog. But it IS worth celebrating. Well, at least I think it is:

12 years ago today I got that fateful phone call from my doctor saying that I have a rare form of cancer. It always surprises me how vivid and clear those memories are, even so many years later. I remember the lighting in the room. I remember I was eating Mac and Cheese out of a plastic container. I remember how helpful my dear roommate was as we frantically scoured her nursing books to find out what this 'dermatofibrosarcoma' thing was. I remember so many things as though it was yesterday, but it's already been 12 years. Praise the Lord.

A lot of the other memories are foggy though, but one that will stick with me forever is the evening a few close family members and friends gathered in my parent's living room. We sang a few songs of worship, read from the Word, and then my head was anointed with oil as we prayed for healing for my body and my broken heart. I attribute that evening and the holiness of those moments as a HUGE part to my healing. My heart took a lot longer to heal than my body, but that's okay. I eventually got there.

Thank you GOD for your healing hand on my life!!

Tired Cooking has Come to a Stop

2010-02-11T11:39:00.006-07:00

Cooking was getting really, really, REALLY tired around here lately. I was going to the good ole easy basic recipes that are just plain ole tired to me right now. So this past weekend I spread out the cookbooks and started flagging recipes that I might like to try. This week J has been in dinner heaven and so have I. There's a new surprise meal every couple of days and so far all have been a hit. I thought I'd share my favourite one so far. I have never been able to stick to a recipe, so my changes are found in italics:

Chicken with Olives and Leeks

4 small skinless, boneless chicken breast halves

Salt and Pepper (I used seasoning salt instead b/c the recipe sounded kind of bland)

Non-stick spray coating (I use No Name Brand - it is fat free where as other brands are not)

1 1/2 cups cliced leeks -about 3 medium (I used the greens, but the picture in the recipe book shows that greens were not used)

1/2 cup water

1/4 cup dry vermouth, dry white wine, or chicken broth (I used 1/3 cup dry vermouth)

1/8 tsp pepper

1 cup coarsely chopped seeded tomato (I left the seeds in-why bother taking them out?)

8 pitted kalamata olives or pitted ripe olives, quartered (I used 16 whole kalamata olives and J found them to be too strong, while I loved them. Next time I will try it with sliced ripe olives instead)

Rinse chicken; pat dry with paper towels. Lightly sprinkle chicken with salt and pepper. Spray an unheated large skillet with nonstick coating. Preheat over medium heat. Add chicken. cook for 8-10 minutes or until chcken is tender and no longer pink. Turn to brown evenly. Remove from skillet; keep warm (I placed them in a covered casserole dish and stuck them in the oven at 200 deg. F to keep them warm).
Add leeks, water, vermouth, and 1/8 tsp pepper to skillet. Bring to boiling; reduce heat to medium-low. Cook, uncovered for 10 min. stirring occasionally. Stir in tomato and olives; heat through. Serve leek mixture over chicken. If desired, serve with linguini (I did). Makes 4 servings.

(I made up the plates by starting with a bed of linguini, placing a chicken breast on top of the bed, and then serving the leek/olive mixture over the chicken breast and linguini. I then also crumbled a bit of feta cheese over the plate, which made it look pretty and also really went well with the rest of the ingredients in the recipe and the fresh rolls I had made. Wish I'd taken a picture to share with you all--maybe next time).

Cloth Diaper Goodness

2010-02-10T20:04:00.004-07:00

A little while ago I posted about the first batch of cloth diapers arriving via Canada Post. We ordered mostly BumGenius 3.0, a few FuzziBunz, and recently an order of Kawaii diapers arrived as well. We now have 35 cloth diapers. They are all washed, stuffed and neatly put away into a dresser that might or might not be the baby's change table. Still not decided on which furniture to use. But I'm excited that two drawers are ready and organized. Now to find baby sized hangers so I can wash some of the baby clothes and start planning where what will go. Seems that Walmart is out of baby sized hangers. Wonder where else I could try?!

Changing things up a bit...

2010-02-09T12:31:00.002-07:00

I am in organization mode right now, so I thought I'd put some of my bits of organization up on the blog. I've moved many of my side bar items to the very bottom of the blog and have inserted some 'baby relevant' things to the side bar on the right. The check list is more for me, but thought others might find it interesting too. I did add two polls for you all to enter and give your opinions on. Scroll down and let me know what your predictions are ;-)

2010-02-05T08:26:00.004-07:00

Yup. It's here!!
Today we leave the triple digits and tomorrow we are at the double digits countdown to the estimated due date of our baby. Of course the baby will come when it wants to, but it's still fun to count down.

You Don't Need Much

2010-02-03T14:14:00.005-07:00

I am finding flower shaped post-it notes all over the house today. Each one has a little love not written on it from J. So sweet.

What's the special occasion? It's my birthday today. We had kind of planned not to do anything special or do the gift thing because we were hoping that our accumulated Airmiles would take us to Las Vegas or Arizona or somewhere where we don't have to wear a jacket for a few days. I'd rather spend 'birthday money' on a little trip like that. Well, yesterday we sadly found out that it won't work out. With J being sick, an evening out for my birthday is also out of the question and he is in no shape to be going anywhere to buy a gift either, so it's gonna be a low key day.

But, he's finding little things that he can do at home, while he is sick, to make it a special day. I keep telling him to just take it easy and rest, but alas, it falls on deaf ears. When I came home from my Ladies Morning Out group, he was busy stuffing a pork roast with all sorts of yumminess for a birthday dinner. Then he made coffee with our precious coffee beans we brought back from Costa Rica and now I am finding little love notes all over the house.

You don't need much to make someone feel special.

Mondays

2010-02-01T16:25:00.003-07:00

It's been a 'Monday' around here. J hasn't been feeling well for about 4 days and this morning before 7 a.m. (he's NEVER wide enough awake to make any sort of comment which makes sense anytime before 8 a.m.) he said he thought he should see the doctor. He NEVER volunteers to see the doctor, so off to the E.R. we went and sure enough he has a nasty virus that lasts about 10 days.

I've said it before, but I LOVE our doctor. He is so thorough: he sent J for blood work and x-rays right away and sure enough he had the virus that the doctor suspected and it has to run it's course and it's not a fun course. A ten day 'not so fun course'. He is so honest: J finally believed me that he 'might' not be looking too healthy when the doctor said 'You look like shit'. Hmmmm...gotta love it when it takes your doctor's brutal honesty to make your husband see that he really isn't doing that good. Our doc is also so incredibly caring: He asked me if I was getting to the point of 'get this kid out of me already'. How did he know? There's still three months to go. I thought I shouldn't be feeling that way just yet, but he said that at about this time in pregnancy, those are the emotions women feel as things start to get more uncomfortable. Sigh. I'm normal.

Off to tiptoe around the house and find quiet things to do while J sleeps off this bug. The doctor gave him until Thursday to stay home and 'get better'.

That's a Monday around here.

Blessed

2010-01-31T15:45:00.006-07:00

If you'd like, press play on the player above while you read this post.

I think I have written about this song before, but it seems to be one of those old favourites that pops up when I just seem to 'need' to hear it. It's the old hymn The Love of God and the lyrics that leave me all choked up and teary each time I hear them or sing them are the following:

Could we with ink the ocean fill
And were the skies of parchment made
Were every stalk on earth a quill
And every man a scribe by trade
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry
Nor could the scroll contain the whole
Though stretched from sky to sky

Maybe it's because I love paper and pens, and writing and I can just feel this amazing feeling of love when I think about our amazing God and how even if I tried to write about all of His amazing wonders, there wouldn't be enough paper, pens, scrolls, or scribes to do THIS love justice.

Where is this coming from? Am I on one of those 'Praise God' mountaintops? Hmmm...not so much. More like in one of those verge of tears valleys. Why the valley? Truly there isn't a valid reason for those valley feelings right now because things are good. They truly are, but sometimes in the times of goodness I feel my joy being stolen away.

I've been trying to figure out what it is that has me in this valley and I think it is just a whole bunch of little things. A long cold winter with no end in sight. Too little sunshine and to many grey, cloudy days.

* * *

All the calls I have received for substitute teaching since we got home three weeks ago landed on days where I had appointments and that was only two days. TWO calls in three weeks. Financial pressure.

* * *

The basement renovations. I don't know how things are going to get done by the time the baby arrives and why am I stressing out about this? Because in order to get to the room that will be the nursery, the basement has to be somewhat complete so we can move the computer, desk, elliptical trainer, scrapbooking stuff, etc. etc. downstairs. Why do I have this urgent need to have the nursery ready to go three months before his/her due date? Ridiculous!! I think it has more to do with the fact that I want our parents to be able to have a room further away from the nursery so that even though we'll may be up with the baby at night, they will get a restful sleep. We could turn the current guest room into a nursery, but we wanted to have two rooms available for guests, just in case visits overlap. Sigh. So, in order for all of that to fall into place, the basement needs to be done by May (or somewhat done) and if you've done renovations before you know that there are permits and inspections and electrical and duct work and walls and drywall and lights and mudding and taping and painting and flooring and the list goes on and on and on and on. It's a lot, so then I think about this nursery and have this feeling that the bags and piles of baby stuff that we're gathering are going to remain bags and piles. I dream that this nursery won't be ready by the time the baby comes and that the guest room will remain a room of bags and piles of baby stuff and family won't have a place to sleep. Sigh. I know. The baby won't care, but I will and I do.

So, these thoughts, they come out of the 'control freak, I need everything in it's place and I want family to be comfortable and feel at home' part of me. I know these thoughts don't make any logical sense and they aren't important in the grand scheme of things. I know that. I do. So, then yesterday when I received an email from my dear MIL (who does not know I am struggling with this right now) with these words, I was comforted:

"By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established;
through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures"
Proverbs 24:3-4

It's not about the physical house. It's not about the nursery or the guest rooms. It's about the people in the house and filling every corner of our lives with rare and beautiful treasures and those treasures aren't THINGS or having everything in the right place. It's about the treasure of time spent together and memories made and those staying with us are there to see US and the baby and will be understanding if things are still under construction. Sigh. So it is my prayer that we build our homes by wisdom and establish it through understanding. May every corner of our lives be filled with rare and beautiful treasures because we are shepherded by someone Greater than these trivial little worries that I am succumbing to.

* * *

And then there's all the little pregnancy discomforts that are starting to wear on me this week. I LOVE being pregnant, but sometimes some of these aches and pains are just enough. It's week 25. Still 15 weeks to go and I am already feeling stretched and kicked and prodded constantly and I know it's only going to get more intense. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE feeling our baby move and stretch. It's an amazing feeling. It's the aches and pains that come with it and the lack of sleep that are adding up. I can't sleep on my back anymore and it hurts to sleep on my left side and I can't breathe sleeping on my right side, so I don't sleep much. This week I started leaking colostrum. Fun times. The past two days my ribs have been killing me. I don't feel the baby kicking that high so this was confusing me. Perhaps it's the uterus pushing up against them. Today I made a discovery: If I wear a sleep bra instead of an underwire one, these aches go away. Hmmm...strange. Guess it's mono-boob time for me. LOL And then there is this new thing (to me) called constipation. That's enough to make anyone grouchy. Thankfully a handful of prunes this afternoon got things moving again. I felt soooo much better after a few days of no activity. I wasn't going to write any of this pregnancy stuff, but I realized I have been pretty upbeat and positive about this pregnancy things so far and thought that maybe I am being too positive, so this is the little update to assure everyone that there are days and moments that suck that no one really talks about. I haven't even gone into the 'hoohaa' talk yet. lol.

* * *

My parents are traveling for about six weeks so they aren't going to be 'just a phone call away' like I am used to. I know this is silly, but I do pick up the phone to call them...a lot...and I am going to miss that these next six weeks. Yet, I know they have an amazing opportunity to travel and listen to the stories of women, who's stories have never been told before. Women whose stories need to be told. Women who need to have a voice. I'm just going to miss them, that's all.

* * *

So there you go. This is not a 'Praise God' mountaintop post. It's a 'Praise God' valley post. Even amongst these insignificant (they truly are insignificant in the face of world hunger, earthquakes, illness etc.) little valleys I was moved to tears in church today when we sang 'The Love of God' and I was reminded about how great and amazing His love truly is. I am so blessed. Blessed with an amazing husband who has a great job that can support us even if I don't work much. Blessed with a supportive family and friends. Blessed with a warm home that we can share with family and friends. Blessed with a healthy pregnancy and so much to look forward to in our future.

I am truly B-L-E-S-S-E-D!!!

A Walk Down Movie (or Memory) Lane

2010-01-28T14:00:00.003-07:00

Do you have a movie or movies that you just LOVED as a kid? For me one of those top ones is Disney's Flight of the Navigator. A few years ago I received the DVD for Christmas and just love the fact that I can watch it whenever I want (not that it happens all too often at all, but I could if I wanted to).

Lately I have been thinking about a movie we used to rent from the little video store when we were growing up. The Adventures of the Wilderness Family. It's Little House on the Prairie meets Swiss Family Robinson in the 1970s. I remember renting the Wilderness Family movie quite a few times for family movie night. There was a sequel to the movie as well and lately I have been wanting to watch these movies, but cannot find a place to rent them anywhere. Cinemail doesn't have them and that is where we rent from. I could buy them with Christmas money, but should I?

Anyhow, in my obsession about these movies, I found out that there is a THIRD one that I have never seen before. I am on a mission to find these three movies. I just hope that my bubble won't be burst when I watch them. I hope they are as adventuresome and feel-good as they were all those many years ago.

(I've linked each image to the Wikipedia site explaining more about each movie, for those who are interested in an old fashioned family movie night)

Belly Update

2010-01-26T13:38:00.006-07:00

I came to the realization that I did not post my 20 week belly picture. We were in Ontario at the time and I didn't get those photos onto the computer until we got back. So here, are the week 20 and week 24 belly pictures.

I am feeling great. Morning sickness is a distant memory. Fatigue left me for a while, but as this baby grows and I expand in the process, fatigue is setting in again. I am not used to walking this slowly. I'm known for walking quickly and I just can't anymore. ;)

I can't believe there are only 13 weeks left until the baby is at term and 16 weeks left until the due date. The first sixteen weeks seemed to crawl by and now it's just all flying by so quickly.

Enjoying the ride.

It's THAT time...

2010-01-21T09:09:00.002-07:00

Crib buying time.

Car seat buying time.

Stroller buying time.

YIKES.

I feel like I am eleven years old and about to go bra shopping for the first time and don't know what to get. Training bra? Underwire? What size? What brand? What colour? And the thing is, my Mom isn't here to help me make wise bra shopping decisions.

Okay so those questions don't quite fit, but it's the same type of elevated heart rate, sweaty palms, 'I have no clue what to get' and I think I might just run for the hills, kind of feeling.

This all on the heels of some crib recalls as well as stroller recalls.

I thought I had the crib thing figured out, but guess what? WE are not I and I have learned in the past few months that my dear husband has few opinions about all the baby 'stuff', BUT he has a definate opinion about cribs and car seats and strollers. It's like buying tools for him. It's the manly 'arghhh' (insert Tim the Toolman Taylor grunt) in baby item shopping for him. I think it's great. I love that he has an opinion about these things, but it also means that my simple IKEA Gulliver Crib 'doesn't cut it'.

So, to give us a starting point, instead of walking into West Edmonton Mall with absolutely no place to start, I thought I'd ask YOU, my blog world, what your thoughts on cribs, car seats, and strollers, are.

Please, do share.

Canada Post Happiness

2010-01-19T15:16:00.003-07:00

Check out what happiness arrived in the mail today. Yes, our cloth diapers arrived.
I am soooo excited. I just want to go and throw them in the washing machine and get them ready to use. Might be a tad early though, since our Sweet Pea still needs to do a whole lot of growing!!! Oh well, couldn't pass up a good sale and who knows if it would come on again before the birth, so we went for it.

Aren't the colours oh so much fun!?

Anyhow, we ordered 24 diapers from Cozy Bums and plan to order 10 Kawaii brand diapers from Luv Your Baby which seems to be a knock off of BumGenius and FuzziBuns and so much cheaper. We're willing to give it a shot.

My Latest DIY Baby Project

2010-01-19T09:02:00.003-07:00

In November I wrote about some burp cloths I made (more on that here). Well I've been busy making a few more. This time I used pre-fold diapers and just fancied them up. I know babies don't care what they drool on, but Mama likes things cute and pretty and Mama is the one who has to catch the spit, so she wins out and is making cutesie burb cloths. Anyhow, I got the idea from the tutorial found here.

When we were in the States a few weeks ago I picked up one package of pre-fold diapers (they are half the price there compared to here)to see if I would like this project. I loved it and wished I had purchased a few more packages of the diapers so I could make a few more and give them away as gifts. Oh well. Next time. Here is a sneak peek at four of the burp cloths I made. The other two are duplicates of two of the ones already shown. In order to get them all on one picture I folded them in half, so they are actually double as big as shown:

(click on photos to enlarge)

It's Official

2010-01-18T08:51:00.003-07:00

I just went through J's pile of workout shorts and found the smallest size.

I officially don't fit into my Under Armour shorts anymore. (So sad. I love those shorts.)

I am officially wearing my husbands workout shorts (and they have pockets. Who puts pockets in their work out shorts? Bulky. Uncomfortable).

I am also officially REALLY out of breath after going for half a mile on the elliptical trainer.

I officially have to get my stamina up because in less than 20 weeks I am going to have the workout of a lifetime.

It's official.

Not so brave after all

2010-01-15T22:54:00.002-07:00

It's 10:54 p.m. on a Friday night. For the past number of months I have been fast asleep at this time of the night. That, or fighting to stay awake. Last night I finally had a fabulous night's sleep after weeks of waking up from round ligament pain or leg/foot cramps. Ten and a half hours of sleep were pretty much bliss for me.

This great night's sleep also meant I had a really productive day. It also meant that I wasn't in bed fast asleep by 10 p.m. I actually have energy to burn. J and I watched a movie tonight, which was great, but then 10 p.m. came along and I was done watching TV and ready to play a game or sew or scrapbook or organize or do SOMETHING. I was restless. J was invited out with the boys to play video games, but said he wasn't going to go. I didn't understand why, but then realized it was because I wasn't sleeping yet. I encouraged him to go and hang out with his friends, but he reads me too well. He could see that something was up. It really wasn't anything because in reality I wasn't up for watching TV and that is what he wanted to do. We both didn't feel like playing a game. I wanted to scrapbook but hate being in seperate rooms. So, he should just go and have fun with the boys, right? He felt bad for leaving me at home. I said I wasn't going to be 'that wife' that didn't 'let him' go out. That's craziness.

And then the truth came out. In a torrent of tears. Of course I want him to go out and have fun with his friends. That isn't it. The truth is that I am green with jealousy. He HAS friends to hang out with. I don't. I miss having my girls to go to a movie with or to go out for coffee with or to scrapbook with. I miss it. I know I blogged about me learning how to change that and I am learning, but tonight it just sucks. See the pity party forming? Pathetic. I know. But I am NOT going to be 'that wife'. The one who 'makes' her husband stay home. I could never and would never do that, so I put on the bravest face and smile and sent him off to have fun (and of course burst into tears as soon as he left--pathetic, I know).

So here I am home alone and I am going to catch up on blogging and scrapbooking.

I did it...

2010-01-13T14:16:00.002-07:00

...I stepped out. Out of my comfort zone. Out of the 'safe place' I thought I had created for myself.

For most of the two years I have lived out here, I have kept my distance from people. I felt that it was 'safer' not to get to know others. Not to set myself up for getting hurt once we decided to move 'home'. Big mistake. It only hurt me more. It hurts to not have intimate relationships with those around you. It hurts to 'stay on the surface' and not 'dig deeper'. It hurts because it is lonely. Oh so lonely.

It took me almost two years to realize that in making the decision to keep my distance, I was only hurting myself. I am created for close intimate relationships. I am created to 'be real'.

A few months ago I came to this realization and decided to start going to 'Ladies Morning Out' (LMO from this point forward) this January. What happens is that you sign up for your top two favourite 'book studies' and then you are randomly placed into a group which meets each Wednesday morning to discuss the book and talk about life and such things.

Today was my very first LMO day and it was fabulous. A little scary, because I learned a bit more about the book we are going to be studying. It's called 'The Safest Place on Earth' by Dr. Larry Crabb. Guess what the book is about? Well, just check out what Amazon has to say about it:

In today's frenetic society, people rarely develop intimate friendships. Instead, they spend their lives essentially disconnected from others, rushing through life content with brief visits and casual conversations. But what if one were to develop a community, a spiritual community, of people who walked with and supported each other through life's journey? A community of real friends who listened to each other's personal tragedies without merely trying to fix the problems, who encouraged and nurtured each other's strengths, and who accepted people for who they really are, instead of the image they try to portray. In The Safest Place on Earth, Larry Crabb explores such a place, where God can heal disconnected people and allow them to reconnect with each other and, ultimately, with Him.

Hmmmm...I think I just might be in the right book study!? What do you think? Funny how things work out sometimes. How it all falls into place and you are put with just the right people at the right time.

Did I tell you that I got to hold a 6 lb, one week old baby while at LMO?? How precious is that? She was so incredibly tiny, yet so perfect in every way. It just made me ache to hold our baby.

Did I tell you that the woman leading the group is around my age and is expecting her 2nd baby in August AND she is a DOULA!!?!? We had so much to talk about! Such exciting stuff.

Did I tell you that the one topic that I am terrified to talk about right now was brought up in the introduction of the book? YIKES. Did I tell you that I am not the only one terrified of this topic and afraid of my response to it?

Did I tell you that I was terrified to go, but am now so glad I did? I cannot wait to get to know these women a bit more in the next months!!! I can't wait to re-learn how to 'get real' again.

I DID IT!!!

125 Days

2010-01-11T09:37:00.004-07:00

I can't believe that there are only 125 days (give or take a few, of course) left in this pregnancy. I am just LOVING it. At the same time I cannot wait to hold our little miracle.

There's so much to do in the next 125 days. Mostly we need to get the basement renovations going so that we can move the computer/scrapbooking/elliptical trainer out of what will be the nursery. This stresses me out a bit because I just 'need' ('need' being in BIG quotation marks) to set things up and put clothes and supplies away and decorate the room. That might not happen until after income tax returns are done (ie. the return is supposed to be used towards carpet in the basement). No carpet, no moving of all this stuff downstairs.

Yesterday we moved the bassinet part of the pram into our room. I know. It's a little early, but we needed the room in the other room and with framing going to be starting in the basement, we lose all of our storage in the basement until it is completed. Yesterday I also went through the baby clothes we've collected and sorted all of our little finds into a few bins. They are labeled and ready to go once the room is empty and ready for me to decorate.

Today we made a HUGE decision to go forward with our thoughts on being cloth diapering parents. For us it was mostly an economical decision. I am not die hard about this. I don't think it's for everyone and I am also not going to be down on myself it the cloth diapers don't get used until we have established our new little routine as a family. That comes first. Cloth diapering comes after that. (I have this dumb need to explain myself because it seems like a touchy subject for some people, which I just don't understand. I don't know why it is that way. It shouldn't be a 'guilt thing'. So what if you choose not to go the cloth diaper route? Great!! Do what works for you. We are hoping this works for us, but if it doesn't, oh well. The other thing is that cloth diapers in 2010 are different than cloth diapers in 2000 or 1985 or 1977--when I was born. No folding and pins for us.) Anyhow, back to the true subject: Our thoughts are no longer just thoughts and wonderings. I placed the order:

We ordered mostly from the Bum Genius 3.0 line (see above) and also got a few from the Fuzzibuns line:

This way we can see whether we like the velcro or snap closure better. They are one size diapers, meaning that one diaper gives you various sizes. They come with absorbent inserts and aren't the colours just the cutest?? Unfortunately I didn't have all the choices available on the website I ordered from but we still got a lot of great colours that will just be so much fun!!

Now back to reality. Budgeting, insurance, RRSPs--ahhh so much boring stuff to catch up on, but only 125 days to go until I don't have all of this 'free time', so I better get to it.

Nursing

2010-01-09T21:03:00.002-07:00

These past few weeks I have been doing a bit of reading. Not to worry, I am not reading EVERYTHING I come across in regards to pregnancy, childbirth, and life after child birth. I've been very careful and selective on what I read--getting my advice from a couple of trusted friends and family members whose view on self, life, and parenting I respect.

Right now I am reading the manuscript of a book my Sister in Law is working on getting published, which is super helpful and in the form of a journal--something totally up my alley.

Beside my bed you will also find Ina May's Guide to Childbirth as well as Birthing from Within and Secrets of the Baby Whisperer.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about nursing. There are so many books out there about breast feeding and I don't just want to pick a random one or two. I'd like your thoughts on which book(s) you have heard are helpful or what was helpful for you in your own personal situation. Any thoughts?

Introducing:

2010-01-08T10:37:00.003-07:00

Our sweet little baby.

We had our first ultra sound yesterday and oh how precious it was to see this miracle with our own eyes. He/she was busy kicking his/her legs, stretching his/her arms above his/her head and we even saw the cutest little yawn.

Boy or girl? What do you think? It's fun to guess, even though we are choosing not to find out until he/she is born.

And we're back...

2010-01-08T07:37:00.003-07:00

We are back 'home' after almost four weeks of being away. I was not ready to come back. Not at all. You know that feeling you have when you just 'know' you are in the right place? That is how I felt this Christmas. I knew leaving would be difficult, so I mentally prepared lists of things to do, to prepare, to pass the time by as I wait for the next trip or for some visitors from home. The lists got me excited because they all have to do with the baby coming, my sister possibly coming to see us, my parents coming when the baby arrives and J's parents coming after that. So much to do. So much to look forward to.

That was shattered last night when that feeling of gloom and the lack of motivation set in. I didn't realize how often in the past two years of living out here, I have found myself in that place. It's got to change and I need to do my part in that too. I haven't been able to sleep this morning and J asked what was the matter. I quietly whispered 'I don't want to be here' and the tears began to flow. Perhaps the shedding of those tears will lead to a feeling of refreshment and a successful, joy-filled day.

We are planning to move back east in God's perfect time. I just need to get it around my heart, that HIS time is the PERFECT time and until then I WAIT with peace and joy.

I need that peace and joy today--having our luggage arrive, might also help. lol

[more on our trip and other exciting happenings later on today]

Hands

2009-12-15T18:22:00.003-07:00

I was not planning on blogging until we got back from our trip in January, but things have changed slightly and I need to get my thoughts out. I have snuck away from family time to just take a break. Writing is that break for me.

We left for Manitoba a few days earlier, since my Grandma passed away. We wanted to be there for the funeral, which was today. She was 88 years old and lived a long, meaningful life and we are thankful, in our grief, that she gets to spend Christmas in heaven this year.

This is what I shared at the funeral this afternoon, in my tribute to Grandma

I would like to talk about hands today. Grandma’s hands in particular. A few years ago, some of us were sitting around the dining room table at the Christmas gathering, like we often do, and I got the seat beside Grandma. Did you know that that’s the best place to sit? She would always sneak her hand to your leg and give it a squeeze or just hold your hand for a long, long time. I always thought it was just me that got this special treatment, but I have found out through the years that I am not the only grandchild who was her “favourite’. There are 17 of us.

So, as I sat there looking at Grandma’s hands, warm and soft, and wrinkly over the years, I thought to myself, that I never wanted to forget those hands.

The hands that made me feel welcome and loved and ‘the favourite’.

The hands that were Grandpa’s help and companion all those years on the farm and even later while Grandpa was at Salem home, these hands always lovingly held his.

The hands that sewed so many clothes, cooked so many meals, made jars and jars of jam and other canned goods.

The hands that swiftly took the little Tupperware bowls away from us children that Grandpa had snuck out for us, filled with Smarties of course, because ‘Peter, it’s too close to supper time’.

The hands that seemed to lovingly reach through the phone lines when I would call her. Before Jason and I met, she would always ask if there was a young man in my life and I would update her on anything that might be happening, but she would always ask, ‘Does he treat you well?’ and only when I met Jason could I honestly say ‘Yes, he does. He’s a gentleman just like Grandpa was.’ And she would quietly say ‘Well, that’s nice’.

I also know that the hands that seemed to reach through that telephone were also often folded daintily as she prayed for all of us through the years.

So, right there, sitting beside Grandma, I took out my camera and took a picture of these wonderful, loving, and caring hands. I am thankful I have those pictures. I will never forget those hands and all that they represent.

2009-12-03T08:54:00.002-07:00

Wishing you all a relaxing Christmas season where the real reason for this celebration is not forgotten. I am going to be trying to do the same thing and in order to do so, I need to put aside a few things and unfortunately computer type stuff is at the top of the list--yes, including blogging. I'll be back in January, ready to post my 20 week belly pictures, which we will have taken at J's parent's farm in Ontario. Until then...

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

Pregnancy Month Four

2009-12-01T15:01:00.004-07:00

THE FOURTH MONTH

November 2009

On November 4^th we had our third prenatal visit. Once again, everything is going well. The doctor completed a measurement of the fundus and you measured 12.5 cms, which indicates that your estimated due date is correct since you were 12.5 weeks old at the time of measurement. We also got to hear your heartbeat for the first time. Daddy and I were both so excited to hear the quick pitter patter of your precious heart. They counted 154 beats per minute.

I felt you move for the first time this month. I was lying on my side on the couch, watching TV when there was a fluttery and tumbly feeling in my lower belly. I was sure it was you, but kept it quiet and to myself. I just wanted to ponder that moment in my heart for a while.

Right now I only know of Krista who is pregnant at the same time as I am. She is due on March 20^th, two months before your due date. One day we will all get together and you will get to meet my old high school friend and her baby. We have dreamed of this time for so long and think it is so special to be pregnant at the same time.

This month Daddy and I also went maternity clothes shopping. Both of us were really weirded out being in a maternity store, but as soon as I tried on a few pieces of clothing and Daddy saw the ever present 'bump' being given a little more room and not being squished in pre-pregnancy jeans ala belly band, which was feeling ohhh so frumpy to me, he totally got into the shopping and kept bringing me more clothes to try on. We came home with two pairs of jeans. One which is dark and dressy that I can use for work and the other more for the every day. We also got a pair of lounging pants and two shirts. Yay!!! Right now my favourite maternity outfit is the casual jeans with a red striped hoody. So comfy. I hope these clothes will last a long time, but I am afraid that by the 9^th month I’ll be so big I’ll be wearing lounging clothes as much as possible. Who knows.

A couple of weeks ago we got a package in the mail and it was from Dave, Sue, Gavin, and Dillyn in Kansas. In the package was the cutest book written by Barbara Parks. It is called: Ma! There’s Nothing to do Here!! The picture book is so cleverly written in ‘your’ voice. You tell me how there is so little to do in the womb and how you can’t wait to meet Daddy and me. It was so special and I can’t wait to put it on your bookshelf in the nursery.

This month has been the most fun and the most difficult at the same time. I love the growing belly and feeling you move, but the morning sickness has really been tough on me. Thankfully Diclectin has helped me get through the days.

All my love,

Mama

Prenatal Appointment #4

2009-11-30T22:51:00.000-07:00

Today we went for our fourth prenatal appointment. I had lost some weight a few weeks ago, but gained it back quite quickly after I started back on the Diclectin, so I reached the goal of gaining 1 lb a week these past 4 weeks. YIKES. If I weren't pregnant THAT would really freak me out.

The baby measured at 16 weeks. Right on target.

When the nurse tried to find the baby's heartbeat, she'd find it for a moment and then I'd feel the baby moving out of the way of the pressure of the dopplar machine. Finally I quietly said 'Baby, we need you to be still for just a bit so we can count your heartbeats so that we know you're okay and then you can play again'. The nurse joined in: 'Yeah, you little stinker. Stop moving around.' He/or she 'listened' and we got 147 beats per minute.

The ultrasound is booked for January 7th when we return from our trip and we can't wait to see this little one.

Other than that all is well. The doc took me off the antibiotic the ER doctor gave me and put me on something stronger and safe for the baby. Praying that this clears up and stays away until at least we're back from our trip. Flying with sinus and ear issues is extremely painful.

Sigh. The last of the November posts. It's been fun, but I need a break!!! Time to put energy into getting better, Christmas shopping, Christmas baking, and nesting.

Until...next time...

November 25th - November 28th Posts

2009-11-28T17:25:00.011-07:00

'Make-up' Posts
Okay.
I know.
I screwed up.
One post a day for the month of November was the deal.
I broke it.
4 posts behind.
I couldn't help it.
I got really sick.
So, to make up for it, here are four mini posts all in one day to make up for it.

Sinus Infection and Pregnancy
My husband has been 'the bestest'. I have been miserable. Under the weather. In tears. Pretty much a big baby. I get sinus infections a lot. I normally deal with them through home remedies and Advil Cold and Sinus. That has worked for me in the past. Well, being pregnant, I cannot take Advil Cold and Sinus or any other decongestant, which has caused a bacterial infection in my sinuses. I suspected this Wednesday already, but sucked it up. Substitute taught Wednesday and Thursday. Thursday evening I was completely out of commission. Same with Friday. Jason has been cooking and doing his best to keep the kitchen neat. Somehow he has figured out that a neat kitchen=a happy wife. Holds true for me. He's been amazing. He's gotten home remedies from every possible person he runs into and I grin and bear it and try them all. Last night he finally said it was time to get me to the ER. I didn't argue. So off we went and sure enough I have an acute sinus infection that needs antibiotics to clear it up. The doctor we got in the ER made me nervous. All of his answers to our questions came with the word 'PROBABLY'. Probably doesn't cut it when I am pregnant and trying to protect this miracle forming inside of me. So, I was super thankful when right there in front of us he called the pharmacist to get a second opinion on the safety of the antibiotic he was going to give me. It is one I have had before that doesn't kill the infection all the way, BUT it always works for a week so we decided to go with it and then talk to Dr. Langer on Monday at our prenatal appointment and see what he recommends if it doesn't clear up all the way. We have approximately two weeks to clear this up. I can't fly with sinus issues and I AM GOING HOME. I just have to. I need to go home. It's been over a year since I've been home. I've gon longer, but this seems like the longest ever.

Oh and on the baby note: while we were in the ER the doctor measured the fundus to make sure we are still on track. I am measuring at 16 weeks. Right on the money. Keep growing, little one. We can't wait to meet you.

Ma!! There's Nothing to do Here!!!

One day this week when I was in my state of miserableness (yes, that's a word...at least for me at this moment, it is), the doorbell rang and there she was: My favourite Canada Post lady. Parcel in hand. From Kansas. YAY. I love parcels. In it was the most precious book ever. It is written by Barbara Park, who is the hilarious author of the Junie B. Jones books (for those of you who are into children's chapter books). The book is called: Ma! There's Nothing to do Here!!! and it is written in the voice of 'my' unborn baby. It is just so precious and funny and perfect. It made my day. Thanks D, S, G & D.

The Christmas Bug has hit...

Last weekend Jason and I were both in the Christmas decorating mood. He went crazy with his outdoor lights and I went crazy inside. Here are a few pictures:

The wreath J and I made this year.

The coffee table.

You can hardly see it, but it's my mini snowman nativity scene.

Our advent candles.

When I was little and we lived in South America, my Dad made a Star of David that we put up at Christmas. This and our advent wreath were our Christmas decorations. I told J about this star and he was determined to make one as well. So here is his creation. I LOVE IT. It hangs on the garage (which is still 'wrapped' and not sided--appropriate for Christmas, don't you think?) and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and nostalgic inside.

Our lit and 'wrapped' garage.

The house from the front. somehow the lights on the house look purple and white. They are really blue and white. It looks so much nicer in 'real life'.

Today, in a moment of tolerable sinus pain we went and picked out a Christmas tree and will set it up and decorate it this weekend. Two weeks to enjoy our tree and then it comes down on the 15th before we leave for Manitoba.

On Hold

2009-11-24T19:46:00.004-07:00

I know. I know. I said I'd post some pictures today, but it ain't gonna happen, but I am determined to keep a post a day for the month of November--even during weeks like this week.

My ear ache and sinus congestion have got me pretty much out of commission and I need all the energy I can get in order to substitute teach tomorrow. I just hope I can hold out on seeing the doctor until our prenatal appointment on Monday. I just have a feeling that if I go in to see him he's gonna say there's nothing he can do besides what I am doing already. I'm doing everything the pharmacist has recommended and this helps for 30 minutes at a time and then I am back to miserable me. Oh well. Small price to pay for my precious miracle in my arms in a few months. He or she is the size of a naval orange this week. From an invisible cell to a naval orange in 15 weeks. Pretty miraculous if you ask me.

Quick check-in

2009-11-23T22:21:00.000-07:00

Ugh. It is 10:21 p.m. and I took a bunch of pictures to post today and didn't get to posting them. That post will have to wait until tomorrow. Tonight got busy with 'shopping'. Our 'Life Group' has 'adopted' a Salvation Army family so we went to purchase items for their Christmas hamper. Fun times, but now this pregnant girl needs to get her shut eye. Chronic Sinusitis when pregnant is even more tiring then when not pregnant. Add an ear ache (please let it not be an infection) to the mix and you've got a tired, grumpy girl on your hands. She better get some sleep.

So, good night to you all. More tomorrow...

Christmas Music

2009-11-22T15:31:00.004-07:00

Fa-la-la-la-laaaa La-la-la-laaaaaaaa

I am sitting here putting all of our Christmas CDs onto the computer so that we can enjoy them from our iPod. What are your favourite Christmas Albums? Any new ones this year that you are enjoying (or plan to enjoy)? Any old ones that always seem to come out year after year? We usually buy one or two new albums each Christmas. We enjoy a variety of music so pretty much anything goes.

A talk about 'the girls'

2009-11-21T19:42:00.005-07:00

Warning to dads and brothers and any other male readers who might read this...you are entering 'girl talk'. You're welcome to read and give your two cents, but be warned. ;-)

Okay, so this is the deal. 'The Girls' (a.k.a the future milk jugs for our dear baby) are getting out of control in their growth (although it is kinda nice now that they don't feel like broken glass anymore) and aren't wanting to stay in my regular sized bras anymore. So, now I am left to go shopping, but I go down the bra aisles and am LOST. So I need your advice:

1. I hear that it is a waste of money to get maternity bras and to just skip those and go straight to nursing bras. Yes? No?
2. IF I go straight to nursing bras, how do I know what size to get? If 'the girls' are just going to keep 'blossoming' in the next months AND then my milk comes in, I might be left with too small bras in any case. I don't want to be buying a ton of bras as 'the girls' get bigger. So what do I do? Are they made special so that they stretch for the milk coming in?
3. If you have had to purchase maternity bras before, what are some dos and don'ts? Name brands? Underwire? No underwire? Etc...

Would love any thoughts at all.

Christmas Cards vs Christmas Photos

2009-11-21T09:40:00.002-07:00

This is the first year in many years that I don't think we will be doing the photo Christmas cards. Even when I was single I'd send out photo cards at Christmas. This year it seems like too much. Who will take our picture? Where will we take the picture? Everything is 'ugly' right now with only a thin blanket of snow and the dull gray and browns of a late fall as backgrounds. Not my idea of great picture taking. So, I went out and got plain old Christmas cards and it will be a plain old Christmas card kind of Christmas. Next year, though, we will be a little more on the ball and plan for some nice fall pictures with our baby. He or she will be six months old by then and it will be nice to have pictures to send out of our little family.

A Great Day

2009-11-20T23:55:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those productive days. Got our budget back on track after not doing much with it in the past two months and was pleasantly surprised that we are still on track. Once those 'good habits' kick in, they stick around. Glad that happened, because sometimes that has not been the case for me. It was even more pleasant a surprise because we are basically living on one income right now--with a few subbing days in there for me.

Then I ran a few errands and hurried home to get ready for 'Date Nite'. Got dressed up and just as I was ready the doorbell rang. There was sweet Jason with flowers (from him) in one arm, and a rosemary plant shaped in a Christmas tree (from baby) in the other. Sooo sweet. We picked up a few things at a few hardware stores, started a bit of Christmas window shopping, and had a lovely dinner at Barcelona Steakhouse and Bar. We then came home and watched a little TV and played a game or two of dominos. Just some time for us--and I stayed awake until midnight. YAY.

A great day.

A Thursday November 19th entry just for you...

2009-11-19T12:39:00.004-07:00

I swear that I am trying to throw this baby up today. Doesn't it know that it doesn't work that way? Can't even keep the Diclectin down.

I know. This is not deep at all, but that's all I can muster for today...

Working in a high risk H1N1 environment

2009-11-18T17:16:00.003-07:00

Today I substitute taught in a 'new' classroom. I know most of the kids from when they were in grade 2, but I hadn't been with them as grade 3ers yet. It was suggested to me that before any subbing day starts, that I talk to the kids about washing hands and sneezing and coughing into your sleeve etc. Fend off as much 'flu' as possible and protect me and the baby from it.

So, I did that today.

AMAZING.

I began by telling them that I needed their help and I introduced them to 'the baby bump' and how important it is for ANYONE to be careful about germs etc. but how I needed their help to keep this baby safe. They were all over it. Their teacher has taught them well: Scrubbing hands with soap and water before snacks and meals, sneezing into your sleeve and if you forget to or cough into your hand, there is sanitizer at the back of the room by the kleenex box that you have to use after you use a kleenex too. WOW. This teacher is really preaching it. LOVE IT.

They were so excited about this baby and had a zillion questions. Thankfully none were 'the birds and the bees related'. Most were related to 'is it a boy or a girl?' OR 'can I see your belly button?' and 'I think your baby needs a hug'--and my belly is given a loving hug or rub. Too cute.

I am back in the same classroom tomorrow. Looking forward to it.

Let me introduce you too...

2009-11-17T17:57:00.001-07:00

...my sexy new boots:

My new Clarks: Madison Rose long-leg boot in classic black leather. I think I'm in luv. Can't wait to wear them with my new maternity skirt and a cute shirt that shows off my baby bump. Love that skirt/boot maternity look.

Date Night

2009-11-16T10:59:00.003-07:00

For the past number of months Jason and I haven't really gone out for dinner. Pre-morning-sickness we would go out to a nice restaurant once a month. It was our wine and dine night and we loved it. I have had a week of considerably less morning sickness (knock on wood) and actually look forward to going out to a nice sit-down dinner. A&W Mozza Burgers or Uncle Burgers don't count anymore. That was my huge craving this past month. One of the few things that would stay down--strangely enough. Now I just want a nice sit down dinner. Just me and my love.

Yesterday we were at Costco, finally picking up some much needed meat and we saw that one of the local restaurants that we have never gone to (because it seemed too expensive) has a $100 gift certificate for $75--exactly what our budget allows. Add to that a movie night deal and we are set for our next date night.

Now...to set a date...

Comfy Clothes

2009-11-15T20:12:00.003-07:00

So, today we went out and did the first of the maternity clothes shopping. Both of us were really weirded out being in a maternity store, but as soon as I tried on a few pieces of clothing and J saw the ever present 'bump' being given a little more room and not being squished in pre-pregnancy jeans ala belly band, which was feeling ohhh so frumpy to me, he totally got into the shopping and kept bringing me more clothes to try on. We came home with two pairs of jeans. One which are dark and dressy that I can use for work and the other more for the every day. Also got a pair of lounging pants and two shirts. Yay!!! Hello week 14!!!

Vanishing Act-not quite working just yet

2009-11-14T16:28:00.003-07:00

I had this long, rambling, very negative blog entry spewed out onto my screen and then with one quick swoop of highlighting the heated words, I clicked the delete button and it vanished into eternity. Sadly just the words and not my feelings disappeared, but this isn't the place to express my frustrations at this very moment. Especially considering I am hormonal, still fighting the flu, and feeling cooped up and alone. Not quite the best combo for writing a blog entry when you're head is in a negative space. So, I found these words instead and keep repeating them over and over and over again. Maybe by tomorrow they will have sunk in and a more positive me will emerge:

Peace, I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world gives, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
(John 14:27)

Right now...

2009-11-13T19:17:00.003-07:00

You know what I love right now? It all has to do with the fact that my brother, sister-in-law, and nieces arrived in MB from Argentina yesterday. They haven't been here in about 5 years. They are here to make their home. So, you know what I love right now?

Talking to my brother on the phone without the "wait for my voice to reach him pauses" that international calls often require.
Hearing the excitement in my bro and sil voices when they did a pile of necessary paper work in one morning that would have taken over a week to do in Argentina.
Talking to Anna Laura on the phone in my broken Spanish and hearing the excitement about the little gifts we had ready for them to enjoy even though we can't be there with them just yet.
Getting pictures via email from Mom and Dad so we can experience these first days with them from a distance.
Hearing the love and excitement in my Dad's 'voice' in an email about how he got to walk down Main Street with his little girls while their parents worked on paperwork and how they are just loving every minute of time together.

I have to love these things right now because otherwise I just think about the fact that I can't be there right now and ohhhh sooo badly want to be.